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Beach Week reveals several irreparable fissures in friend group

MYRTLE BEACH, SC—The day was May 1st and the night began as all did that week: with an Uber to SpanGalls (Daddy didn’t transfer enough money to get an Airbnb nearby). Things were looking up, drinks were flowing, music in a language I can’t understand was playing, and Spirit Airlines was yet to cancel everyone’s flights the following day. But tragedy struck sooner than expected.

Michael, Tommy, and Sarah left Jessica out of the Uber X to SpanGalls, forcing her to take one with the other two members of the group (who were not likable enough to be mentioned by name). The experience was haunting. Needless to say, the friend group is dead. Jessica’s cutting them off. No contact. They. Are. Toxic. “The sad part is that we all thought they would be besties for the resties, just like PWaves promised,” said a source close to the now-defunct friend group.

We will update the article as soon as we gain more information from Jessica’s private story.



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