DURHAM, NC—A lonely night in Duke University’s Few Quad just got lonelier as sophomore Jessica Parker (Trinity ‘25) received a frigid thumbs up reaction to a heartfelt confession. While Parker’s boyfriend Peter Yang (Trinity ‘24) is studying abroad in France this semester, he unfortunately does not seem keen on studying this broad at Duke.
Following this devastating blow, Parker quickly turned to illegal substances to cope, lighting a contraband open-flame candle and turning on her personal space heater.
“I know this wasn’t in his heart. He loves me. I swear he just doesn’t like texting, and he’s like this with everyone.” When pressed, Parker clarified, “except his homies. And his mom. And any other girl. But he told me from the start he’s a bad texter, so he’s actually being consistent, which is a good thing,” Parker explained through scattered sniffles.
Ever since Apple has incorporated reactions into their direct messaging interface, situations like this have sadly become more and more common. After Parker felt she had finally made an emotional recovery from this incident, Yang proceeded to thumbs up react to a nude photo of Parker’s.