Duke institutes new "Push a Bus" program, lays off transportation staff

DURHAM, N.C.—In a supposed effort to combat climate change, Duke students are now required to take transportation into their own hands. Literally.


“At Duke, we believe in efficiency and excellence,” the Director of Parking and Transportation Services commented, “which is why we have chosen to terminate our entire transport staff.” The Director went on to explain that the new program is designed to teach students “the value of hard work through an innovative active learning and group bonding experience.”


Now unemployed without severance, Bus Driver Tanya Smith reported feeling, “angry and disappointed but not surprised.” She elaborated, “The administration is cutting corners to save money, this has nothing to do with climate change. Duke cares more about their image than the people that actually make Duke run on a day-to-day basis.”


The Director of Parking and Transportation Services responded to Smith’s claims by arguing that “bus drivers are a thing of the past.” He continued, “The future of climate change is in our hands. It’s time for our students to roll up their sleeves and get to work. That’s the Duke difference!”



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