SHOOTERS II SALOON—The next generation of Duke-accredited Econ majors have discovered a brilliant new way to network: becoming sloppily drunk with their peers every weeknight.
“Look, it’s not about the booze, or the drugs.” commented junior Anton DeSilva. “It’s about the bonding experiences the booze and the drugs create.”
When asked to elaborate, DeSilva described the alumni weekend he met his first boss. “Well, Mr. Roberts was shirtless, puking into the toilet after that tenth tequila shot, and then I just popped the internship question.”
“It really is a Duke success story,” DeSilva continued. “It goes to show that if you work hard, keep your head down, and do the right drugs with the right people, everything works out just fine.”
When asked for a comment, the Economics Department responded that networking is “part of our larger goal of getting all students to succumb to and uphold the global phenomenon of capitalism.”