J&J HEADQUARTERS—The Fluke was recently able to receive special permission to visit one of the Johnson and Johnson vaccine factories. Our staff was surprised to find not underpaid workers but rather, babies. Baby workers in bath time. Filling their wittle syringes with Johnson and Johnson No Tear 2 in 1 Shampoo and Conditioner. And guess who was there with them. That's right, Vincent Price. “MORE, BABIES, MORE!” he shouted as the babies splashed around and mass produced the vaccines. But good news: no tears.
“With the workload Duke students have, we knew no one would look too far into this vaccine they're all getting. Spoiler—it’s baby shampoo.”
After the Biden administration heard our findings, they knew they had to pause giving doses until further investigations could be done.