EAST CAMPUS—The results of last week’s election are being puzzled over by staff and students alike after the shocking revelation that Kevin Zhang, Freshman Vice Senator Elect for Voter Representation, was disqualified after gerrymandering the East Campus vote.
The pub-pol major struggled to defend himself following his disqualification, claiming he “didn’t know thinking outside of the box was a crime.” Though winning 83% of the vote had initially arisen some suspicion, Zhang initially attempted to credit his win to his 11 campaign instagram accounts, reported to have features known as “stories” titled “packing *heat emoji*” and “cracking *rose emoji*.”
When asked to comment, Lauren Gold, Zhang’s elected replacement, simply replied “Experience. Transparency. Community. Duke.”
When asked to clarify his reasoning for why he drew the districts the way he did, Zhang reportedly mumbled something about “mingling with GA scum.”