DURHAM, NC — This week, the Fluke News obtained an email sent out to male-identifying freshmen and sophomores about Greek Life’s informal rush. With fraternities offering informal rush this semester, multiple executive committees have expressed their desire that only informal pronouns be used at the unofficial conquistador party. What follows was sent by Duke’s IFC:
“Fellow connoisseurs of bitches,
A few brothers requested that we reach out because of some very not tight shit occuring at the last open house. Please do not use the formal ‘usted’ when addressing a brother. We know you all are new, but this is informal rush. It is more acceptable to use the informal ‘tú.’ For those of you that are still struggling, it’s okay. We’re going to attach two sample conversations below.
Kyle: ‘What’s up, Dave? Usted quiere un four loko?’
Dave: ‘That was very disrespectful, please leave immediately.’
Alright boys, let’s run it back. What did Kyle do wrong? That’s right, he used ‘usted.’ Clearly, we can all see that Dave was correct, even morally obligated, to ask Kyle to leave and never come back. Personally, I would've hazed him for that shit by tattooing "virgin" on his forehead while he was asleep. But that’s just me. Let’s see what happens when Kyle uses ‘tú,’ instead.
Kyle: ‘What's up Dave? Tú quieres un four loko?’
Dave: ‘Sí, mi hermano. I’m so glad we thought of a conquistador party.’
Alright, boys, don’t mess this up again or we’ll fuck your sister. When in doubt remember: You’re getting ‘TÚ turnt up TÚ fuck TÚ many bitches.’
Fuck you all,
The email confirms IFC’s persisting argument that Greek life need not be abolished, as it is clear they are capable of enacting meaningful and relevant change.