Durham, NC — When Bernie Sanders first suspended his presidential campaign, the Fluke News was overwhelmed with excitement at the possibility of having the pleasure to endorse the first openly bi presidential candidate. Unfortunately, the Fluke News will not be offering our endorsement at this time, as we've learned that Joe Biden is simply not bi enough.
There have been no photos released of Joe Biden cuffing his jeans, driving with one leg up on the seat, or sniffing the heads of little boys. When asked if he self-identified as a top or bottom, Joe Biden declined to comment. Furthermore, the Fluke News has it on good authority that Joe Biden has never once listened to Sweater Weather by the Neighborhood.
For those reasons, the Fluke News cannot offer our endorsement to Joe Biden.