Killing but green: Duke students invent sustainable killer drone


DURHAM, NC—In a hallmark innovation at the nexus of environmentalism and the Military-Industrial-Academic Complex, a Bass Connections team has debuted a zero-carbon armed drone, the MQ-12 Green Devil.


The new armed drone has state-of-the-art green technologies onboard to enable carbon neutral killing of foreign civilians.


“Powering the drone using Fair Trade CertifiedTM biodiesel and making the missile biodegradable ensures from takeoff to the moment the drone hits its target, no waste (aside from the crowd of Afghan schoolchildren) will be left behind” rising ECE junior and member of the Bass Connections team, Juliana Wang, proudly proclaims.


The Bass Connections team’s Air Force liaison, Colonel Peder Feaver, lavished praise on the Duke students’ greenwashing of the state-sanctioned murder weapon.


“It’s really a testament to the success of the military and academia’s partnership. The degree to which students were willing to contribute to terrorizing foreign populations for the aesthetics of the environmental movement was inspiring.”


The project’s main success, however, lies in the team’s diversity, said lead investigator Dr. Robert Carlton. “Our team had the highest number of students from the Latinx, LGBTQIA+, disabled, and female-identifying communities among all the Bass Connections project teams. That’s progress.”


This article is sponsored by the American Grand Strategy (AGS)