ALLEN BUILDING—Members of the Delta Sigma Phi Fraternity moved to occupy the Allen Building on Sunday in a bid to bring attention to what they call “cruel and unusual university hazing”
“We had risk management issues last year, but my dad’s $5 million gift should have settled that! So now we have to fight for our rights against unjust treatment like those brave black– I mean, African Americans did 50 years ago.” Junior Guy White commented.
When questioned whether by “risk management issues” he meant their numerous hazing and sexual violence allegations, White emphasized that they were just “alleged, meaning not real”
The now de-chartered fraternity’s next move is to storm the stage of the alumni event to present their demands, including starting a new investigative committee to determine their fate, which they said should be led by Executive Vice President Tallman Trask III, citing his “fairness” and “fantastic reputation on campus like ours”.
There were a few females in sorority letters also occupying Allen in solidarity with the DSig brothers, and when reached for comment, one explained her position, “I mean I’m a die-hard feminist. But GOD am I excited for Candyland to happen— I hear they’ll have a waffle truck this year!”
At press time, as Duke Police attempted to break into the building, White instinctively shouted “Hey, where’s your wristband?”