BIOLOGICAL SCIENCES BUILDING—It was a quiet morning in BioSci 123. The hallowed halls echoed with the sound of 120 sleep-deprived, defeated students scratching out a sad excuse for science. Meanwhile, I was watching my dreams of a stable income and maybe a little money for boba flutter away on the wings of alkyl halides and beta-substitutions. I just want to get a competitive degree so I can slave away for the industry my whole life until I die alone, hopefully with some milk tea.
On the way out of an hour-long sob fest, a student stopped to talk to us. Alvin Douglas (Pratt ‘23) confessed, “Duke must be a high-profile escort company because I’m paying $80,000 a year to get absolutely fucked every Tuesday and Thursday at 8:30 a.m.”
“Everyone kept telling me I shouldn’t sign up for Orgo since it’s a weed-out class, but I figured I had an advantage since I was already a stoner. Mistaken indeed!” said Douglas, holding back tears as he walked away.
After being asked to do a standing back tuck with a full twist in order to get an A in Orgo II, I decided being premed just wasn’t for me.
