PENNSYLVANIA SUPREME COURT—With Bill Cosby’s 2018 convictions of sexual assault thrown out, Americans can sigh a collective breath of relief: all is well again in the United States.
“I was really scared I was going to be held accountable,” explained local frat star and three time gangbanger, who wished to remain anonymous for legal protection. “It was really terrifying to see America’s dad go to prison, so it felt inevitable that I would face consequences too. Thank god the world has returned to order though.”
Court documents obtained by The Fluke News showed Cosby’s legal defense worked tirelessly to have the ruling overturned. The head defense attorney asked the judge really nicely and then gave him a $25 gift card to Outback Steakhouse.
Sources close to the Trump family have signaled that the former President is looking into a partnership with Cosby’s legal team, however, with American society returning to normalcy, he might not need it.
