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War criminal calls war criminal war criminal, surprising war criminals everywhere

THE WORLD—Despite widespread knowledge of this war criminal’s history of commiting crimes against humanity in the region, this is the first time another constantly warring war criminal has issued an official statement calling the war criminal exactly that—to the shock of other war criminals around the world.

One outraged war criminal agreed with the other self-righteous war criminal on his assessment of the war criminal for carrying out such savage attacks against civilians in the 21st century, despite his own support of a proxy war in a former colonial territory.

Another evil war criminal challenged the infuriated war criminal’s solidarity with the sanctimonious war criminal’s denouncement of the war criminal in question, saying, “Frankly we are a bit concerned that calling out the war criminal for perpetrating war crimes could jeopardize the trade relationships we have with them.”

At press time, when interviewed for further comment about the differing reaction between the villainous war criminal and the exasperated war criminal over his criticism of the aforementioned war criminal, the repeat-offending war criminal stated “I said what I said. I have always supported freedom and democracy around the world—” He then paused as his aide interrupted to ask for his permission for a drone strike on foreign civilians.

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