MAR-A-LAGO, FL—After carelessly rushing to file his FEC paperwork, former President Donald Trump accidentally registered his campaign for the Presidency of Armenia.
“I am shocked and confused,” commented current Armenian President Vahagn Khachaturyan, “This was not expected. Why?”
In an apparent effort to save face, Trump has doubled down on his commitment to “making Armenia great again.” While riding a gold-plated golf cart, the former President announced:
“It’s gonna be great, believe me. [The Armenians] ... they tell me, Donald, what do we do? So I told them—I told them we’re gonna take back Nagorno-Karabakh. We’re gonna show them who’s boss, and we’re gonna kick those bad hombres out of there, I promise. It’ll be amazing. People will be talking about it for centuries. Everyone knows, I love—LOVE—Armenia!”
In a rambling tweet posted at 3:47 a.m., Kanye has declared that he will be Trump’s running mate in an attempt to win Armenian-American billionaire Kim Kardashian back.