The Fluke News Staff
Baseball player loses his daily hat; what happens now?
DURHAM, N.C.—Tragedy struck Duke Athletics this past weekend when baseball player Todd Kernel (T ’25) lost his daily hat in a horrifying...
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The Fluke News Staff
- Jan 19
- 2 min
Duke pledges $1 million for made free throw, “randomly selects” 90 year old English Professor
DURHAM, N.C.—The half-court challenge is a staple of the basketball game experience. Perfectly in line with the American ideals of an...
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The Fluke News Staff
- Jan 18
- 1 min
Heartwarming: East Campus pickleball player discovers a second hobby
DURHAM, N.C.— Anyone who has walked by Duke East Campus tennis courts literally one time ever knows that they are used for one thing and...
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The Fluke News Staff
- Jan 18
- 2 min
Club Fishing investigated after Key Member of Duke Swim goes Missing
DURHAM, NC – Duke Club Fishing’s president Derek Droughning (‘24) has recently become the prime suspect in the disappearance of Mina...
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The Fluke News Staff
- Jan 18
- 1 min
March Madness just regular ol’ March for local sleep paralysis demon
TARTARUS, HELL—Glarkkon the Devourer, an eons-long resident of the Endless Abyss, is hyped for the NCAA Men’s Basketball Tournament after...
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The Fluke News Staff
- Apr 4, 2023
- 2 min
Duke Basketball Denies Demoralizing Guest Players with FunHouse Mirrors
CAMERON INDOOR STADIUM—Humiliation has been the name of the game for teams daring to make the trip to K-Ville this season, with the Duke...
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The Fluke News Staff
- Feb 26, 2023
- 1 min
BREAKING: Student good at sports betting—and keeps it to themself
DURHAM, NC—For the first time in recorded history, a Duke student has kept quiet after successfully betting on the Super Bowl. Luke...
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The Fluke News Staff
- Nov 17, 2022
- 1 min
Gradey Dick pounds Duke Defense
INDIANAPOLIS, IN—In the Kansas-Duke matchup at the Champions Classic, Kansas freshman Gradey Dick dominated Duke’s defense, pounding the...
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The Fluke News Staff
- Nov 15, 2022
- 1 min
Do You Believe in Miracles? Duke Plays Duke, Wins
DURHAM, NC––In this year’s highly anticipated “Countdown to Craziness” exhibition match, Duke overcame the odds to beat the rival Duke...
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The Fluke News Staff
- Nov 10, 2022
- 1 min
In effort to evade Raiders’ roster, Davante Adams accepts jail time
LAS VEGAS, NV—Two weeks after shoving a cameraman to the ground at the end of a bitter last-second loss to the Kansas City Chiefs,...
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The Fluke News Staff
- Apr 1, 2022
- 1 min
Lottery winners travel to New Orleans to support Duke in the Final Four
After a lottery hosted Monday, 700 students will be traveling to New Orleans to support Duke Men’s Basketball in the Final Four game...
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The Fluke News Staff
- Feb 3, 2021
- 1 min
Coach K kills student reporter, receives one game suspension
Durham, NC—Following Duke’s recent tough loss to another unranked team, Coach Mike “that bitch” Krzyzewski was faced with an unfairly...
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The Fluke News Staff
- Oct 22, 2020
- 2 min
"We fought hard and know what needs work," says Cutcliffe on scrimmage with local middle school
CHAPEL HILL, NC—After losing to Smith Middle School during a Wednesday scrimmage, Duke Football head coach David Cutcliffe expressed how...
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The Fluke News Staff
- Jun 22, 2020
- 1 min
Duke baseball players somehow still coming up on Bumble
MY HOMETOWN, IL—While at Duke, I was shocked by how often one of the baseball players would come up on Bumble. Every other swipe was a...
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The Fluke News Staff
- Jun 11, 2020
- 1 min
Duke to announce new fall sport: Virtue Signalling
CAMERON INDOOR—In the midst of Black Lives Matter dominating social media feeds, Duke has done what it does best: profit off of black...
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The Fluke News Staff
- Oct 2, 2019
- 1 min
Duke Quidditch team busted for steroid abuse
DURHAM, NC—The Duke varsity quidditch team was recently removed from the official list of intramural sports clubs amid anabolic steroid...
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The Fluke News Staff
- Sep 14, 2019
- 1 min
Lebron James promises entire male lineage to Duke basketball
DURHAM, NC—After trying to recruit Lebron James’ son Bronny, a freshman in high school, Duke has announced that they are recruiting the...
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The Fluke News Staff
- Apr 2, 2019
- 1 min
Op-ed: End anti-Zionism, he's our best player
DURHA, NC—There’s been a lot discussion on campus about anti-zionism. Frankly, I’m horrified by the idea. To all the anti-zionists out...
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The Fluke News Staff
- Feb 20, 2019
- 1 min
Student suggests that Duke needs to score more points than UNC does
DURHAM, NC—Duke senior Jake Lopez, who has been a Duke fan since “before I was born” has a radical theory on how Duke can win. According...
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The Fluke News Staff
- Jan 17, 2019
- 1 min
Tre Jones out indefinitely for Duke men's basketball after head in the game but heart in the song
CAMERON STADIUM—Starting point guard Tre Jones may be unable to play with the Blue Devils for the rest of the season after revealing that...
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