Feinstein staffers assure public they can still put a hand up her ass and make her mouth move
Duke Curling Achieves Perfect Perm
Duke Basketball Denies Demoralizing Guest Players with FunHouse Mirrors
“You Can Go But You Can Never Leave,” say the Eagles on parking in Blue Zone
“Like Trump all over again:” After Chase Barclay loss, campus Gingers scared for the future
The Tell-Tale Gill: Duke Gardens employee haunted by spirit of murdered Koi fish
Following spree of food poisonings, Il Forno renamed to ILL Forno
Impressive! Duke student says Durham residents don’t scare them anymore
Study finds average Duke student 83% more morally questionable than advertised in their Common App
“I’ve come a long way:” student reflects on victory in ejaculation competition.
Dianne Feinstein tries running for senate as Fianne Deinstein
DMV Unbans LGBT+ License Plates, Rebans Gay Marriage
Insidious Marketplace Blueberry leads to great 48 hour struggle
“I love fossil dating:” Archeologists, Sugar Babies Bond Over Shared Interest
Kamala Harris claims she also has classified documents in desperate attempt to feel included
HRL reveals Hollows named after how students are supposed to feel at Duke
Duke introduces new McKinsey major to streamline consulting pipeline
Duke Engage changes name to Duke Marriage Pact to get more submissions
Duke ecologists declare philosophy majors to be endangered
Mysterious Squirrel Attacks linked to ADPhi Rabies Outbreak
Biden: “The East Palestine train wreck proves the workers who run it don’t deserve to unionize”
Student with infectious personality finally quarantined
BREAKING: Student good at sports betting—and keeps it to themself
Slay! This female serial killer murders small children and big stereotypes
Op-ed: My roommate dropped a grape on the ground. Is he going to pick it up?
In desperate fundraising email, Pelosi promises donors “teensy bit” of insider trading information
Following Me Too movement, Wannamaker renamed Wannaconsenter
Elon Musk OWNS Twitter liberals by mowing down family of five with Cybertruck
A Candid Interview with an Air Force 1
“The most fun you’ll never want to have again!” says SNU Pledge missing eye, finger
“Pssst… Hey! You should eat with me until my friend comes,” student desperately whispers to spider
“I’m not gay,” and other lies European Men will tell to get into your pants
"That's MY Secret Spot:" Vincent Price bans white tenting after Sex Dungeon added to scavenger hunt.
Op-ed: Your Emotional Support Service Animal Shouldn’t Need a Service Animal
American Grand Strategy shoots down hot air balloon touring Durham
After Series of Typos, Donald Trump Files Presidential Candidacy in Armenia
Gradey Dick pounds Duke Defense
Do You Believe in Miracles? Duke Plays Duke, Wins
WU Restaurants Respond Reasonably to Inflation by Doubling Prices
In effort to evade Raiders’ roster, Davante Adams accepts jail time
Liz Truss actually just Boris Johnson in disguise
A capella member lacks pep on stage, later lacks heartbeat
Fluke Analytics Report: Petite, docile men get the most maduros at Sazón
INVESTING PRODIGY: Paul Pelosi named Fuqua's next James B. Duke Professor of Finance
Confused stoner rejoices as Ted Budd declares victory
Blue Tenter Says Poll Line “Too Long”
Duke to demolish east campus dorms so freshmen finally talk about about something else
Running Out of Causes to Champion, PETA Turns Attention to Toppled Scooters That “Look Sad”
Op-Ed: I will kill myself if I'm the comic relief character in the group Halloween costume again
Waynestockings: Shapely calves and “astonishing elegance” displayed in annual Swan Lake performance