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    War criminal calls war criminal war criminal, surprising war criminals everywhere
    The Fluke News Staff
    • Apr 11
    • 1 min

    War criminal calls war criminal war criminal, surprising war criminals everywhere

    THE WORLD—Despite widespread knowledge of this war criminal’s history of commiting crimes against humanity in the region, this is the...
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    Ketanji Brown Jackson to be confirmed. By me. She is real.
    The Fluke News Staff
    • Apr 6
    • 0 min

    Ketanji Brown Jackson to be confirmed. By me. She is real.

    0 comments
    Chevron intern promises to solve climate change from the inside
    The Fluke News Staff
    • Mar 3
    • 1 min

    Chevron intern promises to solve climate change from the inside

    HOUSTON, TX—When junior Pita Davidson was looking for a way to help fight the climate crisis, he looked to none other than one of the...
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    Frat bro discovers Duke is not named after KKK Grand Wizard, demands refund over false advertising
    The Fluke News Staff
    • Nov 15, 2021
    • 1 min

    Frat bro discovers Duke is not named after KKK Grand Wizard, demands refund over false advertising

    DURHAM, NC—After a riveting drunken debate and an internet search that took 15 minutes longer than it should have, noted roofie-master...
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    “Liberal 'No Nut November' breaches our American liberty,” says Ciceronian Society
    The Fluke News Staff
    • Nov 15, 2021
    • 2 min

    “Liberal 'No Nut November' breaches our American liberty,” says Ciceronian Society

    DURHAM, NC—In a press release that we only read because we had to, the Ciceronian Society expressed opposition to the widely observed...
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    Jeb Bush reportedly missing for 7 months, nobody noticed
    The Fluke News Staff
    • Oct 21, 2021
    • 2 min

    Jeb Bush reportedly missing for 7 months, nobody noticed

    TALLAHASSEE, FLORIDA—Turmoil erupted in political circles earlier this week as the Nation came to realize that the former Governor of...
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    Poli-Sci major enlightens international student about his own country
    The Fluke News Staff
    • Oct 18, 2021
    • 2 min

    Poli-Sci major enlightens international student about his own country

    SOUTHGATE COMMONS—Gerardo Lionel Castillo (Pratt ’25) had not expected to learn about his home country when he came to Duke. The freshman...
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    Return to Normalcy: Known serial rapist’s conviction overturned for bullshit legal reason
    The Fluke News Staff
    • Jul 1, 2021
    • 1 min

    Return to Normalcy: Known serial rapist’s conviction overturned for bullshit legal reason

    PENNSYLVANIA SUPREME COURT—With Bill Cosby’s 2018 convictions of sexual assault thrown out, Americans can sigh a collective breath of...
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    "Biden is not healthy enough to be president," says guy who doesn't believe in getting vaccinated
    The Fluke News Staff
    • Apr 13, 2021
    • 1 min

    "Biden is not healthy enough to be president," says guy who doesn't believe in getting vaccinated

    WEST UNION—After viewing a video of Joe Biden falling down the steps of Air Force One sophomore John Russell bravely stated his belief...
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    J&J vaccine rollout paused after revealed to be just “No Tear, 2 in 1 Baby Shampoo and Conditioner”
    The Fluke News Staff
    • Apr 13, 2021
    • 1 min

    J&J vaccine rollout paused after revealed to be just “No Tear, 2 in 1 Baby Shampoo and Conditioner”

    J&J HEADQUARTERS—The Fluke was recently able to receive special permission to visit one of the Johnson and Johnson vaccine factories. Our...
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    Breaking: Freed Suez Canal ship heads to Georgia for next voter blocking bill
    The Fluke News Staff
    • Mar 31, 2021
    • 1 min

    Breaking: Freed Suez Canal ship heads to Georgia for next voter blocking bill

    ATLANTA,GA—Inspired by the Evergreen ship’s ability to block the free flow of goods at the Suez Canal for days, the Georgian State...
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    After watching “MONTERO” video, this heterosexual, women-loving Cru member has faith crisis
    The Fluke News Staff
    • Mar 30, 2021
    • 1 min

    After watching “MONTERO” video, this heterosexual, women-loving Cru member has faith crisis

    DURHAM, NC—Following a mention of the new Lil Nas X music video from his preacher, local cru member Jake had to see what all of the fuss...
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    Trump alludes to a third run—The Fluke predicts his mile time
    The Fluke News Staff
    • Mar 9, 2021
    • 2 min

    Trump alludes to a third run—The Fluke predicts his mile time

    ORLANDO, FL—In his first public remarks since moving to Florida, Trump spoke at the annual Conservative Political Action Conference. The...
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    Trump apologizes for divisive rhetoric, inciting riot at CPAC
    The Fluke News Staff
    • Mar 2, 2021
    • 1 min

    Trump apologizes for divisive rhetoric, inciting riot at CPAC

    ORLANDO, FL.—In his first public appearance since departing the White House, former President Donald Trump took to the stage last night...
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    Trump acquitted—Officially as innocent as OJ!
    The Fluke News Staff
    • Feb 24, 2021
    • 1 min

    Trump acquitted—Officially as innocent as OJ!

    WASHINGTON, D.C.—With a 57 to 43 vote, the US Senate failed to convict Trump, making the former president officially as innocent as OJ...
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    Biden dismisses Uighur concentration camps: "Genocide is just part of China's culture"
    The Fluke News Staff
    • Feb 17, 2021
    • 1 min

    Biden dismisses Uighur concentration camps: "Genocide is just part of China's culture"

    MILWAUKEE, WI—In last night’s CNN Town Hall with Anderson Cooper, Joe Biden responded to concerns about China’s recent extreme violation...
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    Trump signs new Executive Order unilaterally banning Eumelanin in the US
    The Fluke News Staff
    • Dec 19, 2020
    • 1 min

    Trump signs new Executive Order unilaterally banning Eumelanin in the US

    WASHINGTON, D.C.— In a rush to leave his legacy during his remaining days in office, Donald Trump signed into existence a Executive Order...
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    Campaign Blunder: Trump goes to Transylvania instead of Pennsylvania
    The Fluke News Staff
    • Nov 13, 2020
    • 2 min

    Campaign Blunder: Trump goes to Transylvania instead of Pennsylvania

    TRANSYLVANIA—Television personality Donald Trump held a campaign rally in Transylvania the day before the election. Speaking to an...
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    Desperate White House staffers bring in cast of Sesame Street to explain to Trump how elections work
    The Fluke News Staff
    • Nov 12, 2020
    • 3 min

    Desperate White House staffers bring in cast of Sesame Street to explain to Trump how elections work

    Washington, D.C.— As Trump continues to vehemently protest the results of the 2020 Election by making numerous illegitimate claims of...
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    New cabinet position created: Secretary of Checking if Biden Died in His Sleep
    The Fluke News Staff
    • Nov 8, 2020
    • 2 min

    New cabinet position created: Secretary of Checking if Biden Died in His Sleep

    Washington, DC—After four days of waiting, former Vice President Joe Biden has officially surpassed the 270 electoral vote threshold to...
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