The Fluke News Staff
Dianne Feinstein tries running for senate as Fianne Deinstein
WASHINGTON, D.C.—Shortly after announcing she will not run for reelection in 2024, Senator Dianne Feinstein (D-CA) has thrown her hat...
top of page
Search
The Fluke News Staff
- Mar 28
- 1 min
DMV Unbans LGBT+ License Plates, Rebans Gay Marriage
DURHAM, NC—The North Carolina DMV has taken a massive stride in championing the LGBTQ+ cause. “Honestly, this is the next Stonewall,”...
The Fluke News Staff
- Mar 9
- 2 min
Kamala Harris claims she also has classified documents in desperate attempt to feel included
WASHINGTON, DC—Vice President Kamala Harris claimed last week she is the latest in a line of government officials to have classified...
The Fluke News Staff
- Feb 26
- 1 min
Biden: “The East Palestine train wreck proves the workers who run it don’t deserve to unionize”
WASHINGTON, DC—This week, a train derailed in East Palestine, Ohio, creating an ecological disaster that will harm the health and...
The Fluke News Staff
- Feb 26
- 1 min
In desperate fundraising email, Pelosi promises donors “teensy bit” of insider trading information
DURHAM, NC––In an effort to fundraise for the 2024 midterm, Speaker of the House Nancy Pelosi promised to reveal a “teensy bit” of...
The Fluke News Staff
- Feb 26
- 1 min
Elon Musk OWNS Twitter liberals by mowing down family of five with Cybertruck
AUSTIN, Texas—Elon Musk proved the haters wrong once again by showing just how safe Tesla Cybertrucks are. After locating the perfect...
The Fluke News Staff
- Nov 17, 2022
- 1 min
After Series of Typos, Donald Trump Files Presidential Candidacy in Armenia
MAR-A-LAGO, FL—After carelessly rushing to file his FEC paperwork, former President Donald Trump accidentally registered his campaign for...
The Fluke News Staff
- Nov 10, 2022
- 1 min
Liz Truss actually just Boris Johnson in disguise
DOWNING STREET, LONDON—As Liz Truss descended the stairs of 10 Downing Street this morning, a large bird, most likely a very brave...
The Fluke News Staff
- Nov 10, 2022
- 1 min
INVESTING PRODIGY: Paul Pelosi named Fuqua's next James B. Duke Professor of Finance
SAN FRANCISCO, CA—After years of perfect investments, Paul Pelosi has been named Fuqua’s next James B. Duke Professor of Finance. Pelosi...
The Fluke News Staff
- Nov 10, 2022
- 1 min
Confused stoner rejoices as Ted Budd declares victory
ASHEVILLE, NC—Hotboxes and dispensaries erupted with glee earlier today at the news that Ted Budd, Republican candidate for the North...
The Fluke News Staff
- Nov 10, 2022
- 1 min
Blue Tenter Says Poll Line “Too Long”
DURHAM, NC––Following midterm elections on November 8th, reports have surfaced of Duke students complaining about the length of the line...
The Fluke News Staff
- Oct 26, 2022
- 2 min
Running Out of Causes to Champion, PETA Turns Attention to Toppled Scooters That “Look Sad”
DURHAM, NC—This week, miniature gravesites could be found around campus to raise awareness for Spin scooter abuse and neglect. The...
The Fluke News Staff
- Oct 20, 2022
- 1 min
Kanye spotted running away from WU with AirDrop open
DUKE UNIVERSITY—On Saturday, there was a commotion in the Broadhead Center after an unknown menace airdropped hate speech to unsuspecting...
The Fluke News Staff
- Oct 19, 2022
- 1 min
Ciceronian Society announces its own climate pledge: burning barrels of oil for fun
ABELE QUAD—In the aftermath of Duke’s recent climate commitment announcement, campus’ leading band of intellectuals and deep thinkers has...
The Fluke News Staff
- Sep 8, 2022
- 1 min
India invades UK to help stabilize the country during turbulent time
LONDON, UK—After leading the British government for seven decades, Queen Elizabeth II’s passing has left some enormous shoes to fill. Not...
The Fluke News Staff
- Apr 11, 2022
- 1 min
War criminal calls war criminal war criminal, surprising war criminals everywhere
THE WORLD—Despite widespread knowledge of this war criminal’s history of commiting crimes against humanity in the region, this is the...
The Fluke News Staff
- Apr 6, 2022
- 0 min
The Fluke News Staff
- Mar 3, 2022
- 1 min
Chevron intern promises to solve climate change from the inside
HOUSTON, TX—When junior Pita Davidson was looking for a way to help fight the climate crisis, he looked to none other than one of the...
The Fluke News Staff
- Nov 14, 2021
- 1 min
Frat bro discovers Duke is not named after KKK Grand Wizard, demands refund over false advertising
DURHAM, NC—After a riveting drunken debate and an internet search that took 15 minutes longer than it should have, noted roofie-master...
The Fluke News Staff
- Nov 14, 2021
- 2 min
“Liberal 'No Nut November' breaches our American liberty,” says Ciceronian Society
DURHAM, NC—In a press release that we only read because we had to, the Ciceronian Society expressed opposition to the widely observed...
bottom of page