The Fluke News Staff
Biden drops out, of a coconut tree and forgets the context from which he came
SOMEWHERE ON AN ISLAND FAR, FAR AWAY— President Joseph Biden has come tumbling down a 40-foot coconut tree as reported last night by...
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The Fluke News Staff
- Jan 19
- 2 min
"Christian Girl Autumn" bashed for discrimination, replaced with ‘Non-denominational Person Harvest’
DURHAM, N.C.—The internet trend known as “Christian Girl Autumn” will no longer be celebrated at Duke University due to discrimination,...
The Fluke News Staff
- Jan 18
- 1 min
Student Studying Urban Sprawl Drives Car to East
BLUE ZONE—Duke students are world-renowned for the ways their passionate activism creates positive change. A brave group of students have...
The Fluke News Staff
- Jan 18
- 1 min
CIA places Iranian Ayatollah’s hand in bowl of warm water in effort to start profitable prank war
TEHRAN—Ayatollah Ali Khamenei woke up in a state of confusion last Sunday morning upon discovering his sheets were unexpectedly wet....
The Fluke News Staff
- Jan 18
- 1 min
Conservative NC lawmakers ban TransLoc, to be replaced with CisLoc
DURHAM, N.C.—Tension grew in the Durham City Hall last Tuesday evening after a small but vocal minority of conservative council members...
The Fluke News Staff
- Jan 18
- 1 min
Trump Charged, Golden Hairs Stand On End
WASHINGTON, D.C—“It’s really not so bad,” former President Donald Trump bravely asserts as his electric shock collar is activated by...
The Fluke News Staff
- Nov 7, 2023
- 1 min
Labradors from Duke Puppy Kindergarten unionize, cite 90-hour work weeks and not enough chew toys
DURHAM, N.C.—Emboldened by the success of labor movements nationwide, students in Duke’s Puppy Kindergarten have taken the first step...
The Fluke News Staff
- Nov 7, 2023
- 2 min
Marjorie Taylor Greene handcuffs self to Capitol until Hunter Biden kills himself
WASHINGTON, D.C—Rep. Marjorie Taylor Greene (R-GA.) handcuffed herself to the flagpole atop the U.S. Capitol building earlier this...
The Fluke News Staff
- Nov 7, 2023
- 1 min
Aww! Guy in ethics class will order drone strikes one day
DURHAM, N.C—By all accounts, Jonathan Fields (T ’24) is an active and enthusiastic participant in Duke’s Human Rights Advocacy course,...
The Fluke News Staff
- Oct 25, 2023
- 1 min
Cesarean Society Protests Vaginal Births
DURHAM, N.C.—Duke’s Cesarean Society held their annual protest against vaginal births this past weekend. The student...
The Fluke News Staff
- Sep 29, 2023
- 1 min
Feinstein staffers assure public they can still put a hand up her ass and make her mouth move
WASHINGTON—California Senator Dianne Feinstein, best known for being wheeled around and propped up during Senate votes–as well as her...
The Fluke News Staff
- Mar 28, 2023
- 1 min
Dianne Feinstein tries running for senate as Fianne Deinstein
WASHINGTON, D.C.—Shortly after announcing she will not run for reelection in 2024, Senator Dianne Feinstein (D-CA) has thrown her hat...
The Fluke News Staff
- Mar 28, 2023
- 1 min
DMV Unbans LGBT+ License Plates, Rebans Gay Marriage
DURHAM, NC—The North Carolina DMV has taken a massive stride in championing the LGBTQ+ cause. “Honestly, this is the next Stonewall,”...
The Fluke News Staff
- Mar 9, 2023
- 2 min
Kamala Harris claims she also has classified documents in desperate attempt to feel included
WASHINGTON, DC—Vice President Kamala Harris claimed last week she is the latest in a line of government officials to have classified...
The Fluke News Staff
- Feb 26, 2023
- 1 min
Biden: “The East Palestine train wreck proves the workers who run it don’t deserve to unionize”
WASHINGTON, DC—This week, a train derailed in East Palestine, Ohio, creating an ecological disaster that will harm the health and...
The Fluke News Staff
- Feb 26, 2023
- 1 min
In desperate fundraising email, Pelosi promises donors “teensy bit” of insider trading information
DURHAM, NC––In an effort to fundraise for the 2024 midterm, Speaker of the House Nancy Pelosi promised to reveal a “teensy bit” of...
The Fluke News Staff
- Feb 26, 2023
- 1 min
Elon Musk OWNS Twitter liberals by mowing down family of five with Cybertruck
AUSTIN, Texas—Elon Musk proved the haters wrong once again by showing just how safe Tesla Cybertrucks are. After locating the perfect...
The Fluke News Staff
- Nov 17, 2022
- 1 min
After Series of Typos, Donald Trump Files Presidential Candidacy in Armenia
MAR-A-LAGO, FL—After carelessly rushing to file his FEC paperwork, former President Donald Trump accidentally registered his campaign for...
The Fluke News Staff
- Nov 10, 2022
- 1 min
Liz Truss actually just Boris Johnson in disguise
DOWNING STREET, LONDON—As Liz Truss descended the stairs of 10 Downing Street this morning, a large bird, most likely a very brave...
The Fluke News Staff
- Nov 10, 2022
- 1 min
INVESTING PRODIGY: Paul Pelosi named Fuqua's next James B. Duke Professor of Finance
SAN FRANCISCO, CA—After years of perfect investments, Paul Pelosi has been named Fuqua’s next James B. Duke Professor of Finance. Pelosi...
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