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    The Fluke News Staff
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    Op-ed: I don’t think I should have gotten a B+ on the midterm essay

    Now that we’ve all gotten our Philosophy 201 midterm essays back, I think it’s important to tackle a serious issue: my grade. While I app...
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    The Fluke News Staff
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    Op-ed: Let's just replace the election with a “No judgement, just curious: Biden or Trump” IG poll

    Let’s be honest: this is getting ridiculous. First I had to fill out the registration form, then I had to have the girl from Keohane 4D m...
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    The Fluke News Staff
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    Op-ed: Masks don’t protect us, our troops do

    It’s time we get real: masks do not protect us. They are flimsy little pieces of cloth that cannot even remotely compare to a US Army sol...
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    The Fluke News Staff
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    Joe Biden: Not bi enough

    Durham, NC — When Bernie Sanders first suspended his presidential campaign, the Fluke News was overwhelmed with excitement at the possibi...
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    The Fluke News Staff
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    UNC: Not that safe for a safety school

    CHAPEL HILL, NC—In a shocking turn of events, after testing no students and refusing to enforce coronavirus guidelines, the University of...
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    The Fluke News Staff
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    Op-Ed: Wait, they're deporting white students too?

    When I first heard that ICE is planning to deport international students who are not taking in-person classes this Fall, I was unaffected...
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    The Fluke News Staff
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    Long distance hack: Break up

    LAS VEGAS, NV—So it’s been three months since you saw your boyfriend. You were madly in love in March, of course, except for when he stoo...
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    The Fluke News Staff
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    Op-ed: What's the point of Duke if I can't have massive orgies?

    DURHAM, NC—As Duke announces its plans to bring students to campus amidst the ongoing Coronavirus pandemic, all students should question ...
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    The Fluke News Staff
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    Help: I’m horny in my childhood bedroom

    MY HOMETOWN—As I spend another day scrolling through TikTok only to see yet another shirtless seventeen-year-old lick his fingers and jab...
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    The Fluke News Staff
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    Tips to stay sane while social distancing

    It’s been days since you’ve gotten back to your parents house, and there’s only so many times you can argue with them about Bernie Sander...
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