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Op-ed: One of the suspended stairs in WU has a wee crack in it, but I won’t tell you which
DURHAM, N.C.—There I was, creeping my way through WU, silent as a mouse (as I always tend to be), when I saw it: a wee crack, right...
The Fluke News Staff
Nov 6, 20242 min read
40 views
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Op-ed: Is your white friend racist or do you really look like that other guy?
It’s a tale as old as time. You’re walking and you see your white friend up ahead coming toward you. You instinctively call out their...
The Fluke News Staff
Jan 19, 20242 min read
138 views
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Op-ed: Sometimes it’s better to pretend it’s Nutella
We’ve all been there: so eager to relieve ourselves as we hurry to the restroom only to be greeted by a Jackson Pollock image of brown on...
The Fluke News Staff
Jan 19, 20241 min read
60 views
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Op-Ed: I am cold
DURHAM, N.C.—The crisp mornings and the advent of dusk as the clock approaches 6:00 pm is a clear sign that fall is upon us. Thinking...
The Fluke News Staff
Jan 18, 20242 min read
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Op-ed: Am I toxic for chasing tour groups with sticks?
DURHAM, N.C.—These invasive tour group miscreants are bringing their pervasive vitality and youth with them when they visit, and I don’t...
The Fluke News Staff
Jan 18, 20241 min read
19 views
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Op-ed: My roommate dropped a grape on the ground. Is he going to pick it up?
My spirit is broken. The title is a misnomer. I already know the answer. It’s no. It’s not like he doesn’t know it’s there. Move-in...
The Fluke News Staff
Feb 26, 20231 min read
125 views
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Op-ed: Your Emotional Support Service Animal Shouldn’t Need a Service Animal
Hear me out, y’all. Before you open Twitter and cancel me off the face of the Earth, I am not attacking Emotional Support Animals or...
The Fluke News Staff
Feb 14, 20231 min read
135 views
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Op-Ed: I will kill myself if I'm the comic relief character in the group Halloween costume again
I’m done. I’m so fucking done. Once I got to Duke I thought my nightmare would finally be over. I could finally get away from being the...
The Fluke News Staff
Oct 26, 20221 min read
174 views
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Op-Ed: Chicken Little lied for attention. Here’s why I do it too.
When my girlfriend interned at Walt Disney last summer, her manager shared with her a Google Drive folder with first-draft screenplays of...
The Fluke News Staff
Oct 26, 20222 min read
109 views
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Op-ed: Restraining Order? Signs your Mr. Perfect is just playing hard to get
You know who I’m talking about. That dreamy guy who checks all your boxes: cute, funny, smart, with that lock of hair that falls over his...
The Fluke News Staff
Oct 19, 20222 min read
34 views
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What is a libertarian and why can’t they help me checkout a book?
PERKINS LIBRARY—One fateful day, Faye Pelosi (Trinity ’24) stumbled across the perennial problem of finding a book in the maze of Perkins...
The Fluke News Staff
Apr 7, 20221 min read
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The Fluke News Staff
Mar 21, 20220 min read
99 views
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An open letter to men studying Compsci: Golden showers don't count
BRYAN CENTER—To the men at Duke studying Computer Science: this is a letter of love. I have infinite respect for the men in both Trinity...
The Fluke News Staff
Apr 18, 20211 min read
353 views
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Op-ed: My opinion on why we’re too politically divided is unique and deserves a biweekly column
Durham, NC—In a world that claims to be more tolerant than ever, as an Anarcho-Libertarian at Duke, I have never felt more...
The Fluke News Staff
Mar 6, 20211 min read
236 views
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Things are going too well: A quick guide to self-sabotage
Okay, imagine this. You’re chilling on TikTok and suddenly, you sense it. Something’s different. Something’s… wrong? Let me let you in on...
The Fluke News Staff
Feb 26, 20212 min read
186 views
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Op-ed: I don’t think I should have gotten a B+ on the midterm essay
Now that we’ve all gotten our Philosophy 201 midterm essays back, I think it’s important to tackle a serious issue: my grade. While I...
The Fluke News Staff
Oct 22, 20201 min read
302 views
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Op-ed: Let's just replace the election with a “No judgement, just curious: Biden or Trump” IG poll
Let’s be honest: this is getting ridiculous. First I had to fill out the registration form, then I had to have the girl from Keohane 4D...
The Fluke News Staff
Oct 22, 20201 min read
111 views
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Op-ed: Masks don’t protect us, our troops do
It’s time we get real: masks do not protect us. They are flimsy little pieces of cloth that cannot even remotely compare to a US Army...
The Fluke News Staff
Oct 9, 20202 min read
176 views
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UNC: Not that safe for a safety school
CHAPEL HILL, NC—In a shocking turn of events, after testing no students and refusing to enforce coronavirus guidelines, the University of...
The Fluke News Staff
Aug 26, 20201 min read
444 views
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Op-Ed: Wait, they're deporting white students too?
When I first heard that ICE is planning to deport international students who are not taking in-person classes this Fall, I was...
The Fluke News Staff
Jul 11, 20201 min read
267 views
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Long distance hack: Break up
LAS VEGAS, NV—So it’s been three months since you saw your boyfriend. You were madly in love in March, of course, except for when he...
The Fluke News Staff
Jul 1, 20202 min read
262 views
0 comments


Op-ed: What's the point of Duke if I can't have massive orgies?
DURHAM, NC—As Duke announces its plans to bring students to campus amidst the ongoing Coronavirus pandemic, all students should question...
The Fluke News Staff
Jun 11, 20201 min read
323 views
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Help: I’m horny in my childhood bedroom
MY HOMETOWN—As I spend another day scrolling through TikTok only to see yet another shirtless seventeen-year-old lick his fingers and jab...
The Fluke News Staff
Apr 6, 20202 min read
519 views
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Tips to stay sane while social distancing
It’s been days since you’ve gotten back to your parents house, and there’s only so many times you can argue with them about Bernie...
The Fluke News Staff
Apr 1, 20202 min read
175 views
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Open letter to Piazza: What part of “no emails” do you not fucking get?
DURHAM, NC—As classes have made their transition to the online format, many professors have turned to Piazza as a way of answering...
The Fluke News Staff
Apr 1, 20201 min read
162 views
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Op-ed: My dad's been practicing social distancing since I was born
NY, NY—Yes, I live in New York. No, I don’t have COVID-19. And my family has long been ready for this outbreak: my father—aware of the...
The Fluke News Staff
Mar 25, 20201 min read
202 views
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Op-ed: My biggest takeaway from spring break was herpes
PALM BEACH, FL—Most college students see spring break as nothing more than a week to get trashed and fuck around, but not me. For me,...
The Fluke News Staff
Mar 25, 20201 min read
384 views
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Op-ed: Just because we made eye contact doesn't mean I want a conversation
DURHAM, NC–Are we O-week friends? Are we in a class together and have never had a real interaction? Are all of our interactions as...
The Fluke News Staff
Feb 25, 20201 min read
210 views
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Op-ed: My major gives me depression and that's why I'm superior
PHYSICS BUILDING—Are you spending your weekends stressing over problem sets or midterms where the class average is a 50%? If not, move...
The Fluke News Staff
Feb 18, 20201 min read
242 views
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Opinion: Troy Bolton shouldn't be allowed to speak on campus
DURHAM, NC — Guys, it’s time to get our heads in the game. Under absolutely no circumstances should we let Troy Bolton on this campus....
The Fluke News Staff
Feb 16, 20201 min read
640 views
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The Fluke News endorses Klobuchar and Warren for YT
Duke’s student voters must choose between four sharply divergent visions of the future. The Young Trustee selection contest is often...
The Fluke News Staff
Feb 10, 20202 min read
197 views
0 comments

Thanks-awkward! My girlfriend is a turkey
Yes, mom, my girlfriend is a turkey today. Is that so wrong? Why can’t she just dress in a thematically appropriate way for our dinner?...
The Fluke News Staff
Nov 28, 20191 min read
67 views
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Opinion: Enough leaning in. Let's tell men to lean out. Of windows.
DURHAM, NC— The recent New York Times article asking men to “lean out” and reflect on their responsibility in pushing for gender equality...
The Fluke News Staff
Nov 21, 20191 min read
560 views
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Joker: Not enough jokes?
DURHAM,NC - Fans say it’s one of the best comic book films since the Dark Knight and critics are praising it as Oscar-worthy. For those...
The Fluke News Staff
Nov 13, 20192 min read
55 views
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Opinion: Keep choking sea turtles with plastic because they too have sexual urges
DURHAM, NC—Amidst the recent fight to save sea turtles from plastic pollution, I dare ask this: have you asked the sea turtles if they...
The Fluke News Staff
Oct 9, 20191 min read
214 views
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Opinion: Don’t eat at WU while I’m there
DURHAM, NC—Everyday around 1PM, students flood the Broadhead center by the hundreds in order to get a quick meal before their next class....
The Fluke News Staff
Sep 29, 20191 min read
1,320 views
0 comments


Girl who used to mock my small eyes now scolding me for not embracing my culture
DURHAM, NC—Jessica Cannon, who used to love pulling at the sides of her eyes to make them “look like mine” and loudly laugh at her own...
The Fluke News Staff
Sep 28, 20191 min read
346 views
0 comments


Op-ed: End anti-Zionism, he's our best player
DURHA, NC—There’s been a lot discussion on campus about anti-zionism. Frankly, I’m horrified by the idea. To all the anti-zionists out...
The Fluke News Staff
Apr 2, 20191 min read
115 views
0 comments


Pee-checks: I don’t get it, but if it's what the tent needs...
K-VILLE—Like many Duke students, I am a bit apprehensive about tonight’s pee-checks. Truly, I don’t get it: why do the line monitors need...
The Fluke News Staff
Feb 16, 20191 min read
123 views
0 comments


Op-ed: Low income students, just ask your dad for more money
DURHAM, NC—There’s been a lot of discussion on campus in the past few days about the social, academic, and health effects that low...
Jen Smith, Columnist
Feb 8, 20192 min read
208 views
0 comments


Op-ed: Duke needs to divest from your mom
DURHAM, NC—I understand that Duke has financial interests in maintaining its current investments, but as an engaged citizen I feel that...
The Fluke News Staff
Jan 18, 20191 min read
159 views
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