The Fluke News Staff
Duke Curling Achieves Perfect Perm
DURHAM, NC—The Duke Curling team achieved a perfect perm at their competition this past weekend, securing their win over Charlotte’s...
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The Fluke News Staff
- Apr 4
- 2 min
Duke Basketball Denies Demoralizing Guest Players with FunHouse Mirrors
CAMERON INDOOR STADIUM—Humiliation has been the name of the game for teams daring to make the trip to K-Ville this season, with the Duke...
The Fluke News Staff
- Apr 4
- 1 min
“You Can Go But You Can Never Leave,” say the Eagles on parking in Blue Zone
PENN PAVILION—As acclaimed American Rock band the Eagles electrified Duke’s student body with an encore of “Heartache Tonight,” they...
The Fluke News Staff
- Apr 4
- 1 min
“Like Trump all over again:” After Chase Barclay loss, campus Gingers scared for the future
DURHAM, N.C.—In politics, there are always disappointments. While the dust is still settling from the recent DSG elections, a major group...
The Fluke News Staff
- Apr 4
- 1 min
The Tell-Tale Gill: Duke Gardens employee haunted by spirit of murdered Koi fish
DURHAM, NC—Duke Gardens caretakers report feeling as though “20 fishy eyes” are constantly watching them in the weeks following the...
The Fluke News Staff
- Apr 4
- 1 min
Following spree of food poisonings, Il Forno renamed to ILL Forno
DURHAM, NC—Upon returning to campus after Spring Break, students were greeted with the same familiar overpriced Italian cuisine, now...
The Fluke News Staff
- Apr 4
- 1 min
Impressive! Duke student says Durham residents don’t scare them anymore
DURHAM, NC—Like many of her peers, Marlene Anderson (Trinity ‘24) has been enjoying the Duke bubble and all its exclusivity ever since...
The Fluke News Staff
- Apr 4
- 1 min
Study finds average Duke student 83% more morally questionable than advertised in their Common App
DURHAM, NC—Duke sociologists released the results of a study focusing on the morals of the university’s undergraduate population....
The Fluke News Staff
- Apr 4
- 2 min
“I’ve come a long way:” student reflects on victory in ejaculation competition.
DURHAM, NC—There exist various activities through which young men on Duke’s campus get to loosen the pressure valve on their pent-up...
The Fluke News Staff
- Mar 28
- 1 min
Dianne Feinstein tries running for senate as Fianne Deinstein
WASHINGTON, D.C.—Shortly after announcing she will not run for reelection in 2024, Senator Dianne Feinstein (D-CA) has thrown her hat...
The Fluke News Staff
- Mar 28
- 1 min
DMV Unbans LGBT+ License Plates, Rebans Gay Marriage
DURHAM, NC—The North Carolina DMV has taken a massive stride in championing the LGBTQ+ cause. “Honestly, this is the next Stonewall,”...
The Fluke News Staff
- Mar 28
- 1 min
Insidious Marketplace Blueberry leads to great 48 hour struggle
EAST CAMPUS—After eating a seemingly normal breakfast, an unsuspecting first-year student experienced a grueling 2 day ordeal as a result...
The Fluke News Staff
- Mar 9
- 1 min
“I love fossil dating:” Archeologists, Sugar Babies Bond Over Shared Interest
NEW ORLEANS, LA—Hotel staffers hosting the annual Fossil Dating Convention sponsored by the Archeological Institute of America (AIA) were...
The Fluke News Staff
- Mar 9
- 2 min
Kamala Harris claims she also has classified documents in desperate attempt to feel included
WASHINGTON, DC—Vice President Kamala Harris claimed last week she is the latest in a line of government officials to have classified...
The Fluke News Staff
- Mar 9
- 1 min
HRL reveals Hollows named after how students are supposed to feel at Duke
DURHAM, NC—Following the 5th sinkhole-related death in 300 Swift this academic year, Duke HRL has moved on from the years-long project of...
The Fluke News Staff
- Mar 9
- 1 min
Duke introduces new McKinsey major to streamline consulting pipeline
DURHAM, NC—Trinity College of Arts & Sciences has announced that it will be offering a McKinsey Concentration under the newly-created...
The Fluke News Staff
- Mar 7
- 2 min
Duke Engage changes name to Duke Marriage Pact to get more submissions
DURHAM, N.C.—As Valentine’s Day drew closer, DukeEngage director Frelinda Mench found herself receiving dozens of confusing emails. “At...
The Fluke News Staff
- Mar 7
- 1 min
Duke ecologists declare philosophy majors to be endangered
DURHAM, NC—When observing the health of an ecosystem, researchers look for an indicator species, any organism that, for whatever reason,...
The Fluke News Staff
- Mar 7
- 1 min
Mysterious Squirrel Attacks linked to ADPhi Rabies Outbreak
DURHAM, NC––The shrieks of squirrels and students alike have recently echoed through Abele Quad at night, and Duke University Hospital...
The Fluke News Staff
- Feb 26
- 1 min
Biden: “The East Palestine train wreck proves the workers who run it don’t deserve to unionize”
WASHINGTON, DC—This week, a train derailed in East Palestine, Ohio, creating an ecological disaster that will harm the health and...
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