The Fluke News Staff May 10 1 min ROTC studying Chinese "for the culture" TRENT HALL—Robert Kaplan, a Trinity junior in Army ROTC, is reportedly excited to take Chinese 305 solely “for the culture.” Kaplan, who...
The Fluke News Staff Apr 21 1 min Student accidentally Pavlovs herself into asking “Did we go to breakout rooms” whenever she wakes up EDENS 2C—After a long and hard semester, Trinity sophomore Lauren Choy has accidentally conditioned herself into asking “Oh shit are we...
The Fluke News Staff Apr 21 1 min DUPD instructed to use "deadly force" against people who step outside of circles on the lawn DURHAM, NC—In response to the tens of students who thought it would be appropriate to sit outside masked on a 70º day, the Duke...
The Fluke News Staff Apr 18 1 min “Engineering teaches you how to problem solve,” says Pratt star with no work experience DURHAM, NC—When asked why he chose to major in engineering, student Dick Basmati said “I wanted a major that actually teaches you how to...
The Fluke News Staff Apr 6 1 min Admitted students, choose Duke! We have the best basketb—never mind Well maybe not this year, but at least we are a top 10 univers—never mind. Screw the rankings, everyone knows they’re just elitist...
The Fluke News Staff Apr 3 1 min Wilson gym admin announces new policy for no-shows: Death DURHAM, NC—As the semester comes to a close, Wilson gym has announced a new policy for gym-goers who do not show up to their...
The Fluke News Staff Apr 3 1 min Guy with stolen dorm items carefully placed in zoom frame definitely fucks Durham, NC—Last night, Duke freshman Peter McFeaver was arrested and escorted out of Edens. McFeaver reportedly left a Duke traffic cone...
The Fluke News Staff Apr 3 1 min Student accepted to Duke gets to feel smart for the last time (AN HOUR FROM) CHICAGO, IL—Evanston high school senior Lily Kramer reported being extremely excited at her recent acceptance to Duke,...
The Fluke News Staff Apr 1 1 min Duke’s student COVID-19 positives drop for second week in a row DUKE UNIVERSITY, NC—COVID-19 positives have declined for the second week on Duke University’s campus. Out of 21,943 tests, 25 students...
The Fluke News Staff Apr 1 1 min Duke to allow off-campus students to attend in-person graduation DURHAM, NC—Duke is allowing all seniors, regardless of if they are currently in the surveillance testing system, to attend in-person...
