Labradors from Duke Puppy Kindergarten unionize, cite 90-hour work weeks and not enough chew toys
Aww! Guy in ethics class will order drone strikes one day
Student drinks from water fountain with red filter, dies
Construction on literal consulting pipeline in Abele Quad nearing completion
Duke lookalikes club disbands after no one can tell who the real president is
Duke Curling Achieves Perfect Perm
“You Can Go But You Can Never Leave,” say the Eagles on parking in Blue Zone
“Like Trump all over again:” After Chase Barclay loss, campus Gingers scared for the future
The Tell-Tale Gill: Duke Gardens employee haunted by spirit of murdered Koi fish
Following spree of food poisonings, Il Forno renamed to ILL Forno
Study finds average Duke student 83% more morally questionable than advertised in their Common App
“I’ve come a long way:” student reflects on victory in ejaculation competition.
Insidious Marketplace Blueberry leads to great 48 hour struggle
HRL reveals Hollows named after how students are supposed to feel at Duke
Duke introduces new McKinsey major to streamline consulting pipeline
Duke Engage changes name to Duke Marriage Pact to get more submissions
Duke ecologists declare philosophy majors to be endangered
Mysterious Squirrel Attacks linked to ADPhi Rabies Outbreak
Student with infectious personality finally quarantined
Following Me Too movement, Wannamaker renamed Wannaconsenter
A Candid Interview with an Air Force 1
“The most fun you’ll never want to have again!” says SNU Pledge missing eye, finger
“Pssst… Hey! You should eat with me until my friend comes,” student desperately whispers to spider
"That's MY Secret Spot:" Vincent Price bans white tenting after Sex Dungeon added to scavenger hunt.
WU Restaurants Respond Reasonably to Inflation by Doubling Prices
A capella member lacks pep on stage, later lacks heartbeat
Fluke Analytics Report: Petite, docile men get the most maduros at Sazón
Running Out of Causes to Champion, PETA Turns Attention to Toppled Scooters That “Look Sad”
Waynestockings: Shapely calves and “astonishing elegance” displayed in annual Swan Lake performance
Duke Student Boldly Displays Individuality by Wearing Duke Sweatshirt
Ciceronian Society announces its own climate pledge: burning barrels of oil for fun
P-Edge dissolves after members P-Cum
Duke falling dangerously behind Ivies in number of war criminals produced
Leaked Duke Dining food point budgeting plan offers free gastric balloons to football game attendees
In effort to avoid grass, Duke to offer mudpatch
Fraternities struggling as cocaine shipments delayed by mailroom
The Fluke's top 5 tips to avoid being mistaken for a predator as you "study" at Wilson Gym
Pike gets full five stars on Rate My Aggressor
Duke Climate Commitment just Vincent Price turning off lights, putting water bottle in the recycling
New Five Dollar Deal is just Five Sazón Beans
Duke to Euthanize the Ugly Lemurs
C1 Bus Driver Executes Student Sipping Coffee: "They should have read the sign"
"Omg LDOC is on 4/20" says girl who snitched on her roommate for smoking weed
Oops! Someone's getting weeded out by a weed-out class!
Mask mandate reinstated for ugly people
“If you liked the tour my name is David, if not, my name is Matt,” says tour guide with amnesia
"Wow, I thought duke was an Ivy!" says real prospective student, definitely not a paid actor
Kilgo Laundry Thief and Few Arsonist overshadowed by more terrifying Edens Toe Tickler