After 119 Years, The Chronicle to Disband

Progressive! 68% of fraternity members believe same-sex kissing is fine, as long as it’s between two straight girls at one of their parties

Marine Lab Sees Increase in Applications from Confused ROTC Students

"No way to prevent this:" Student drowns in Abele Quad puddle

"Christian Girl Autumn" bashed for discrimination, replaced with ‘Non-denominational Person Harvest’

A Capella Group “The Pitchforks” renamed “The Pitchspoons” to be more well-rounded

Baseball player loses his daily hat; what happens now?

Duke pledges $1 million for made free throw, “randomly selects” 90 year old English Professor

Duke researchers find you’re the only one on campus struggling

Duke to roll out artificial friend groups alongside artificial turf

Duke In Madrid student horrified to learn Spanish women are not into Americans

Golden Retriever Boyfriend Sent Upstate

In rare act of compassion, Vincent Price offers to lick away students' tears

Mathematicians struggle to derive formula for calculating the Duke Difference

Op-ed: Sometimes it’s better to pretend it’s Nutella

Sazón introduces new lottery system in attempt to limit diners and curb crowds

Temperatures drop, top one-percenters can now social signal with a sweater tied around their neck

Duke releases Latinx students from Bryan Center Basement for Hispanic Heritage Month

Duke to hire male interpreters for female speakers to repeat what they just said but louder

Everyone in seminar thrilled to hear 15-minute discussion between one student and professor

Heartwarming: East Campus pickleball player discovers a second hobby

Op-Ed: I am cold

Paranormal occurrences: Three blonde men in one room

President Price announces he will make construction less of an eyesore by switching Duke’s colors to orange and black

President Price legalizes marijuana in bid for re-election

Professor reveals he mixes up non-white students because of dementia, not racism

Professor shares totally appropriate anecdote about his marriage

Sinkhole swallows prospective student tour group on Abele Quad, new fence goes up

Student Studying Urban Sprawl Drives Car to East

Student who took out second loan ecstatic to crank Duke Arts boxes that play fifteen seconds of music

Duke introduces new KYS initiative after CAPS therapists unionize

Duke finally beats Ivies… in income inequality

Duke adds 28 more stops to C-1 in effort to make commutes longer

Club Fishing investigated after Key Member of Duke Swim goes Missing

Duke CAPS hires specialist for people who forgot their headphones this morning

Back to its roots: Wayne announces Vietnam Vets will receive bands to Waynestock

Ciceronian Society hosts re-education seminars following mandatory diversity training

March Madness just regular ol’ March for local sleep paralysis demon

Op-ed: Am I toxic for chasing tour groups with sticks?

Students haunted by Burger King "Whopper” commercial during midterms

Labradors from Duke Puppy Kindergarten unionize, cite 90-hour work weeks and not enough chew toys

Aww! Guy in ethics class will order drone strikes one day

Student drinks from water fountain with red filter, dies

Construction on literal consulting pipeline in Abele Quad nearing completion

Duke lookalikes club disbands after no one can tell who the real president is

Duke Curling Achieves Perfect Perm

“You Can Go But You Can Never Leave,” say the Eagles on parking in Blue Zone

“Like Trump all over again:” After Chase Barclay loss, campus Gingers scared for the future

The Tell-Tale Gill: Duke Gardens employee haunted by spirit of murdered Koi fish

Following spree of food poisonings, Il Forno renamed to ILL Forno