Duke Curling Achieves Perfect Perm

“You Can Go But You Can Never Leave,” say the Eagles on parking in Blue Zone

“Like Trump all over again:” After Chase Barclay loss, campus Gingers scared for the future

The Tell-Tale Gill: Duke Gardens employee haunted by spirit of murdered Koi fish

Following spree of food poisonings, Il Forno renamed to ILL Forno

Study finds average Duke student 83% more morally questionable than advertised in their Common App

“I’ve come a long way:” student reflects on victory in ejaculation competition.

Insidious Marketplace Blueberry leads to great 48 hour struggle

HRL reveals Hollows named after how students are supposed to feel at Duke

Duke introduces new McKinsey major to streamline consulting pipeline

Duke Engage changes name to Duke Marriage Pact to get more submissions

Duke ecologists declare philosophy majors to be endangered

Mysterious Squirrel Attacks linked to ADPhi Rabies Outbreak

Student with infectious personality finally quarantined

Following Me Too movement, Wannamaker renamed Wannaconsenter

A Candid Interview with an Air Force 1

“The most fun you’ll never want to have again!” says SNU Pledge missing eye, finger

“Pssst… Hey! You should eat with me until my friend comes,” student desperately whispers to spider

"That's MY Secret Spot:" Vincent Price bans white tenting after Sex Dungeon added to scavenger hunt.

WU Restaurants Respond Reasonably to Inflation by Doubling Prices

A capella member lacks pep on stage, later lacks heartbeat

Fluke Analytics Report: Petite, docile men get the most maduros at Sazón

Running Out of Causes to Champion, PETA Turns Attention to Toppled Scooters That “Look Sad”

Waynestockings: Shapely calves and “astonishing elegance” displayed in annual Swan Lake performance

Duke Student Boldly Displays Individuality by Wearing Duke Sweatshirt

Ciceronian Society announces its own climate pledge: burning barrels of oil for fun

P-Edge dissolves after members P-Cum

Duke falling dangerously behind Ivies in number of war criminals produced

Leaked Duke Dining food point budgeting plan offers free gastric balloons to football game attendees

In effort to avoid grass, Duke to offer mudpatch

Fraternities struggling as cocaine shipments delayed by mailroom

The Fluke's top 5 tips to avoid being mistaken for a predator as you "study" at Wilson Gym

Pike gets full five stars on Rate My Aggressor

Duke Climate Commitment just Vincent Price turning off lights, putting water bottle in the recycling

New Five Dollar Deal is just Five Sazón Beans

Duke to Euthanize the Ugly Lemurs

C1 Bus Driver Executes Student Sipping Coffee: "They should have read the sign"

Freshman discovers class not at all like description on DukeHub

"Omg LDOC is on 4/20" says girl who snitched on her roommate for smoking weed

Oops! Someone's getting weeded out by a weed-out class!

Mask mandate reinstated for ugly people

“If you liked the tour my name is David, if not, my name is Matt,” says tour guide with amnesia

"Wow, I thought duke was an Ivy!" says real prospective student, definitely not a paid actor

Duke replaces commencement speaker Marry Barra with Winston Yau

Kilgo Laundry Thief and Few Arsonist overshadowed by more terrifying Edens Toe Tickler

Irresponsibly selfish psychopath requests stop on C1

Duke raises tuition to provide every puppy kindergartener with a brand new iPad

Students shocked to find out that "Young Trustee" is not an up and coming rapper at Duke

Duke graduate programs earn top marks in US News Rankings

Soy nugget actually just Nugget introducing herself