CHARLOTTE, NC—As his family prepares the Thanksgiving meal together, laughing and bonding, Sophomore Nathan Richards enjoys his break by...

DURHAM, NC—A truly sustainable future is only becoming more tangible after today, University administration implemented the new “Give No...

DURHAM, NC—This morning, Duke revealed the mega-squirrels. When reached for comment, President Vincent Price said, “What if our beloved...

DEVIL’S KRAFTHOUSE–The Fluke News is thrilled and surprised to announce that an anonymous source (Theo John) has confirmed President...

DURHAM, NC—The wind howls against an onslaught of freezing rain as midterm grades are about to be released. But as Jacob Price (Trinity...

DURHAM, N.C.—In a supposed effort to combat climate change, Duke students are now required to take transportation into their own hands....

It’s time we had a conversation about cultural appropriation. You might be thinking, “this is a tired subject, for the love of God, just...

ABELE QUADZOBOOMAFOO JUNGLE—Celebrations echoed through the Allen Building this morning after the finalization of a multi-million dollar...

DURHAM, NC—In a 5-4 vote, Duke CAPS decided to finally try to help the Duke student body improve their mental health in a monumental,...

AL BUEHLER TRAIL, NC—This week, Gina Smith (T ’23), an avid hiking enthusiast, was shocked to discover that the Duke Outing club was not...

DURHAM, NC— In a move that will probably have significant legal ramifications, the Academic Deans have announced that they have greenlit...

DURHAM, NC—In response to questions and concerns about Duke’s new Quad-Ex system from both students and faculty, HRL recently sent out an...

Durham, NC—We all know about the Duke Chapel. It’s the Chapel that’s at Duke. It glows at night. Other things. It’s that nice pretty...

DURHAM, NC—Duke University has proposed new measures to curve accelerating college pregnancy rates. After having to implement...

WEST CAMPUS—With Parents’ Weekend coming up and grass costs rising astronomically, Duke has made the difficult decision to fire all...

ABELE QUAD, NC—This evening, Duke Administrators announced a new policy to combat sexual assault on campus by banning women from campus....

ABELE QUAD—Cameras were flashing and cell phones were buzzing last Friday afternoon after campus celebrity Carson Hamby (Pratt ‘24) was...

DURHAM, NC—After reports of floors collapsing in the luxury apartment complex 300 Swift, Duke HRL has taken swift action to investigate...

DUKE CAMPUS—Duke Student Affairs released a statement renaming their annual Parents Weekend to Grandparents Weekend following the...

PENN PAVILION—After returning from an arduously long fall break, Jessica Short (Trinity ‘25) was excited to return to her semester long...

DURHAM, NC—Ashwin Patel (Trinity ‘25) had already been pushed off the fourth C1 bus in a row and was on the brink of tears about missing...

CROUCHING UNDER A BENCH OUTSIDE WU—A brown bear has been spotted roaming around Duke University’s West Campus. Its current whereabouts...

ABELE QUAD, NC—After nearly two years of coronavirus restrictions, the Duke Class of 2020 returns to Durham for “Commencement” this...

BELLA UNION—This morning, Duke administrators celebrated the removal of suicide nets under the bridge near Bella Union after Duke was...

NO LOCATION DUE TO COVID HOTELS BEING FULL— Duke officials have voiced their regret in the 2019 decision to bulldoze beloved Central...

DURHAM, NC—Congratulations, you’ve been admitted to Duke via regular decision! That is an absolutely amazing achievement that you should...

TRENT HALL—Robert Kaplan, a Trinity junior in Army ROTC, is reportedly excited to take Chinese 305 solely “for the culture.” Kaplan, who...

EDENS 2C—After a long and hard semester, Trinity sophomore Lauren Choy has accidentally conditioned herself into asking “Oh shit are we...

DURHAM, NC—In response to the tens of students who thought it would be appropriate to sit outside masked on a 70º day, the Duke...

DURHAM, NC—When asked why he chose to major in engineering, student Dick Basmati said “I wanted a major that actually teaches you how to...

Well maybe not this year, but at least we are a top 10 univers—never mind. Screw the rankings, everyone knows they’re just elitist...

DURHAM, NC—As the semester comes to a close, Wilson gym has announced a new policy for gym-goers who do not show up to their...

Durham, NC—Last night, Duke freshman Peter McFeaver was arrested and escorted out of Edens. McFeaver reportedly left a Duke traffic cone...

(AN HOUR FROM) CHICAGO, IL—Evanston high school senior Lily Kramer reported being extremely excited at her recent acceptance to Duke,...

DUKE UNIVERSITY, NC—COVID-19 positives have declined for the second week on Duke University’s campus. Out of 21,943 tests, 25 students...

DURHAM, NC—Duke is allowing all seniors, regardless of if they are currently in the surveillance testing system, to attend in-person...

DURHAM, NC—This past week, YouTuber and Duke Alum Cody Ko eagerly joined a DUU-led Q&A with the Duke student body. Unfortunately, that...

ZOOM—Last Friday, Duke mathematics professor Gregson George opened his zoom lecture by saying, “Aaaah! Aah! Where did my body go?” in...

DURHAM, NC—Arnold McCullum, a first-year student at Duke, remembers the first time he saw the Brodhead Center, colloquially and...

EAST CAMPUS—Just when the brothers of East Campus thought that their pledging process was finished, Duke announced an exciting new task:...

EDENS 2C—Despite Duke’s best efforts to support women in STEM with the creation of 39 new Girlboss in STEM clubs, freshman Marisa Hoffman...

DURHAM, NC—After a casual hookup in a twin bed with blue plaid sheets listening to a man compare the female orgasm to Plato’s The...

DURHAM, NC—Despite a rise in Covid cases, contact tracer Jim Mahomes was let go last week after not being able to find a single person...

DURHAM, NC—The Fluke Unit of the Chronically Knowledgeable (FUCK)––the Fluke News’s anonymous sources in Duke Student...

DURHAM, NC—After a long semester of no breaks, thousands of dollars spent on precautionary quarantine, and approximately 1 student...

Durham, NC—The date is October 12, 2020. Time: 4:00 AM. Vincent Price is woken up by the buzzing of his phone. He picks it up. A voice...

Durham, NC—The Duke Board of Trustees recently announced their decision to continue investing in the fossil fuel industry, despite fierce...

Hi. I’m Monday Monday, from the Duke Chronicle! This column was supposed to run this Monday, but was pulled at the last minute because it...

It was the summer of 8th grade when I graduated from my free Pornhub account, finally convincing my parents to let me go premium. Since...

DURHAM, NC—Despite promising results, potentially groundbreaking research in the use of AI for curing genetic diseases in homeless...