DURHAM, NC—Following recent developments in the state of the global pandemic known as Asia Death, one concerned citizen has had enough of the clever monikers. “C’mon guys, this is serious. People are dying. The least we can do is talk about this like mature adults by using the scientifically correct name, Asia Death.” But he wasn’t done there. “When you use names like ‘Novel Coronavirus’ you’re setting us back as a society and, frankly, being racist,” he added. The Durham resident went on to remind us that we need to maintain hope throughout this tragic time, “we need to come together as a global society. Love our neighbors. Help those in need. I don’t know, you can call me naive or a hopeless romantic, but I think Asia Death could be the one thing that we needed all along.” At press time he could be heard correcting someone who neglected to pronounce Tay-Sachs disease by its politically correct name, Jewish Plague.
Area Man doesn’t understand calling Asia Death a silly nickname like “COVID-19”