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    If you ever think you’re annoying, remember someone has a podcast called “So... that’s a thing"
    The Fluke News Staff
    • Mar 14
    • 1 min

    If you ever think you’re annoying, remember someone has a podcast called “So... that’s a thing"

    DURHAM, NC—Guys, let’s face it, adulting is hard! Thank God I can sit down and listen to Becca and Brady “do a funny” every Thursday...
    0 comments
    Clumsy cocaine smugglers rejoice at Durham snow storm
    The Fluke News Staff
    • Jan 16
    • 1 min

    Clumsy cocaine smugglers rejoice at Durham snow storm

    DURHAM, NC—While most Durham residents were annoyed by the recent storm, Durham’s novice drug smuggling community was relieved to see the...
    0 comments
    Local turkey accepts imminent death with surprising grace and wisdom
    The Fluke News Staff
    • Nov 25, 2021
    • 1 min

    Local turkey accepts imminent death with surprising grace and wisdom

    THE SLAUGHTERHOUSE—Awaiting his inevitable execution, local turkey Reginald practices mindfulness, accepting that death is what gives...
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    For man with erectile dysfunction, it’s always a no bones day
    The Fluke News Staff
    • Nov 21, 2021
    • 1 min

    For man with erectile dysfunction, it’s always a no bones day

    DURHAM, NC—Johnny Crow (T ‘23) has a hard time getting his Johnny up. No matter how many gas station pills he uses, everyday is no bones...
    0 comments
    Girl who already put up Christmas decorations the worst person you know
    The Fluke News Staff
    • Nov 21, 2021
    • 1 min

    Girl who already put up Christmas decorations the worst person you know

    DURHAM, NC—You don’t notice the signs until it’s too late. It starts off benign. Maybe a little Mariah Carey in the hallways. Maybe you...
    0 comments
    New book “Literacy for Illiterates” struggles to sell
    The Fluke News Staff
    • Nov 15, 2021
    • 1 min

    New book “Literacy for Illiterates” struggles to sell

    DURHAM, NC—Unfortunately for author Dylan Donovan, his new self-help book, Literacy for Illiterates, has struggled in book stores...
    0 comments
    Before entering heaven, God checks if you have wristband
    The Fluke News Staff
    • Nov 2, 2021
    • 1 min

    Before entering heaven, God checks if you have wristband

    HEAVEN—On a typical day in the land of the high above, ascending souls hope to spend the rest of eternity in God’s endless splendor of...
    0 comments
    Who is this? Asks mom every time you show her a TikTok
    The Fluke News Staff
    • Oct 20, 2021
    • 1 min

    Who is this? Asks mom every time you show her a TikTok

    DURHAM, NC—An innocent child wants to share a meme with her mother. Little does she know which fatal question is to come. This is the...
    0 comments
    God admits Chapel Hill was a mistake, plans flood
    The Fluke News Staff
    • Oct 1, 2021
    • 2 min

    God admits Chapel Hill was a mistake, plans flood

    CHAPEL HILL, NC—On Wednesday, September 23, 2021, Father Scott O’McSullihan received a surprise guest at confession at local parish, Our...
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    Breaking: Shooters purchased by Duke to house COVID-positive students
    The Fluke News Staff
    • Aug 31, 2021
    • 1 min

    Breaking: Shooters purchased by Duke to house COVID-positive students

    DURHAM, NC—Kim Cates’s decision to shut down Shooters II may have been a surprise to many, but not to the Duke administration, who made a...
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    "So that's why everyone wore the same outfit," says freshman who went to Hooters instead of Shooters
    The Fluke News Staff
    • Aug 18, 2021
    • 1 min

    "So that's why everyone wore the same outfit," says freshman who went to Hooters instead of Shooters

    Durham, NC—Bryan Jenkins, a new and slightly misinformed Blackwell resident, was disappointed to come back to his room dead sober and all...
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    Local police department celebrates Pride Month in style with rainbow-colored tear gas
    The Fluke News Staff
    • Jun 16, 2021
    • 1 min

    Local police department celebrates Pride Month in style with rainbow-colored tear gas

    ST. LOUIS—In honor of Pride Month, the St. Louis Metropolitan Police Department has announced its commitment to be more progressive in...
    0 comments
    Man frantically puts socks on choking friend’s feet before giving him mouth-to-mouth
    The Fluke News Staff
    • May 10, 2021
    • 1 min

    Man frantically puts socks on choking friend’s feet before giving him mouth-to-mouth

    DURHAM,NC—What could’ve been a tragic event for Michael Whitney last Wednesday night was luckily stopped short by his friend and roommate...
    0 comments
    Girl confused how guy doesn't see her subtle Spotify hints that she's in love with him
    The Fluke News Staff
    • May 10, 2021
    • 2 min

    Girl confused how guy doesn't see her subtle Spotify hints that she's in love with him

    Every day, I spend a few hours designing new playlists with subtle yet cryptic titles, such as “April Loving” or “We Met at the Beach” or...
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    Dear Fluke: Am I bisexual or do I just really want to be?
    The Fluke News Staff
    • May 10, 2021
    • 1 min

    Dear Fluke: Am I bisexual or do I just really want to be?

    Dear Fluke, I’m a 19 year old, single, female-identifying college student with no kids. I’ve been dating around and have been official...
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    "I don’t have the time," says girl who spends 30 hours a week on TikTok
    The Fluke News Staff
    • May 10, 2021
    • 1 min

    "I don’t have the time," says girl who spends 30 hours a week on TikTok

    DURHAM, NC—Imagine this: After what was meant to be a few minutes of Tik-Tok fun time, the sun sets...things get dark...and you’ve...
    0 comments
    Fluke Investigates: Does this twitter activist not realize he's white?
    The Fluke News Staff
    • Nov 7, 2020
    • 1 min

    Fluke Investigates: Does this twitter activist not realize he's white?

    DURHAM, NC—White activist Daniel Yellin might be passionate about posting instagram stories about the Black Lives Matter movement and...
    0 comments
    Op-ed: I won’t vote until we can ALL vote
    The Fluke News Staff
    • Oct 9, 2020
    • 1 min

    Op-ed: I won’t vote until we can ALL vote

    Frankly, I’m appalled by the levels of voter suppression here in North Carolina. The gerrymandering, the ID laws, and the intricacies of...
    0 comments
    A comprehensive guide to analyzing your boyfriend’s childhood home on Zillow
    The Fluke News Staff
    • Oct 9, 2020
    • 2 min

    A comprehensive guide to analyzing your boyfriend’s childhood home on Zillow

    Go ahead and put his address into Zillow. There are now a few more things you have to think about besides the fact that he and his family...
    0 comments
    Voting by carrier pigeon: A bi-partisan solution
    The Fluke News Staff
    • Oct 9, 2020
    • 1 min

    Voting by carrier pigeon: A bi-partisan solution

    Durham, NC—Pigeons do not care about your politics. In fact, the latest New York Times poll disclosed that 0% of all pigeons were...
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