HEAVEN—On a typical day in the land of the high above, ascending souls hope to spend the rest of eternity in God’s endless splendor of Heaven. Many entry questions may arise. Have I been good in my lifetime? Have I been faithful? However, the Fluke News reports a new entry question at the gates that have sent many spirits in a spin: do you have a wristband?
Many souls were confused how an immaterial, immortal collection of consciousness could possess a wristband, but many who got there early just “have one, you know? Like it’s not that hard.”
We reached out to God for a comment who said, “listen, wristband or I’ll send another flood. Your move, humanity.”
The new admittance policy for Heaven has made Hell, for some souls, their only option. One soul has been quoted “the company isn’t bad here. That’s what you come to hell for, right? That’s what Twain said.”
Female souls, however, will be let into heaven anyway. Ratio, you know?