DURHAM, NC—Following a stream of alt-right and homophobic posts on the Gothicc Duke Confessions Facebook page, news media outlet Breitbart will reportedly come to campus digitally to recruit its next wave of opinion columnists.
“We’ve had our eye on Duke ever since they plopped out such gems as Stephen Miller and Belle Knox,” divulged Breitbart recruiter James Delingpole. “This latest event just seals the deal. These anonymous Duke students have the perfect combination of book smarts and total disregard for the humanity of those who differ from them that Breitbart looks for in its employees.”
When asked what their recruiting session would look like, Delingpole commented, “we’ll have some info sessions and meet and greets before giving out interview slots. All of this will of course happen within the virtual safe space that Gothicc Confessions has created for us. We are thinking of calling it DEMON weekend.”
When asked for comment, Duke Administrators commented “[REMOVED].”