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Econ major points out that if you were to then you probably could systemize as long as you do and account for that
DURHAM, N.C. — If there’s one takeaway every Duke student has during their time in University, it is the grandeur of the Econ major....

The Fluke News Staff
Nov 25, 20241 min read


Duke students deemed enemies of democracy after revelation that 0% of current undergrads voted in pivotal 2000 election
DURHAM, N.C.—A recent study conducted by the Pew Research Center sent shockwaves through Duke’s campus. According to the nonpartisan fact...

The Fluke News Staff
Nov 25, 20242 min read


White guy with buzzcut and zero self-awareness afraid of people finding out he's Republican
DURHAM, N.C.—While Jackson Reagan (P ‘27) loves a lot of things about Duke, he takes issue with one tiny aspect of the school. “When I...

The Fluke News Staff
Nov 10, 20242 min read


RAs hold baked goods for freshman in new Hansel and Gretel scheme
DURHAM, N.C.— Following Tuesday’s school-wide Residential Assistant (RA) assembly, a new plan has been announced to foster a familial...

The Fluke News Staff
Nov 10, 20242 min read


Pretentious much? This “guy” says he “read” a “whole book” for “fun”
DURHAM, N.C.—Due to the prevailing stereotype that Duke students are smug, haughty, upper-class young people, many students have gone to...

The Fluke News Staff
Nov 10, 20242 min read


Meet “Misery Lot,” parking for the proletariat
DURHAM, N.C.—Even the grubbiest little freshman is familiar with “Miracle Lot,” the collection of notoriously elusive parking spaces at...

The Fluke News Staff
Nov 10, 20242 min read


Marxist student receives Laundrymen service
DURHAM, N.C.—While not studying for his economics classes, Max Lennon (T ‘26) can often be found on campus perusing various leftist...

The Fluke News Staff
Nov 10, 20241 min read


Students desperately try to piece together professor’s life from 3 second flashes of their YouTube recommendations
DURHAM, N.C.—To most of her students, Spanish Professor Jennifer Hart is an enigma. While most professors mention some biographical...

The Fluke News Staff
Oct 24, 20241 min read


Project Wild freshmen instructed not to shower all semester
DURHAM, NC—Controversy arose last night after a whistleblower leaked secret instructions from Project Wild orientation leaders, telling...

The Fluke News Staff
Oct 23, 20242 min read


Get this on video!: Student rides BC Plaza bikes
DURHAM, NC — This past Thursday, a great phenomenon that stands unmatched in Duke’s history occurred on the now-monumental Bryan Center...

The Fluke News Staff
Oct 22, 20242 min read


Duke ID Replaced by Duke Ego
DURHAM, NC—On Wednesday, Vincent Price stood proudly alongside Duke psychology professor Ligmund Sneud on the concrete platform of BC...

The Fluke News Staff
Oct 21, 20242 min read


Depressed student surprised to get his picture taken: “Oh you meant THAT kind of chapel headshot"
DURHAM, N.C.—Mass confusion has spread around campus after several students who intended to contact Duke Chapel Headshots—a professional...

The Fluke News Staff
Oct 21, 20242 min read


University builds tent for DKU students after Epworth pipe burst
DURHAM, N.C.— A recent pipe burst in Epworth Residence Hall left dozens of DKU students without a home just days before the start of...

The Fluke News Staff
Oct 20, 20241 min read


Telling your friends that Duke is ranked over Penn is good for you. Here's how to do it best.
Leading up to September 24, Duke students anticipated this year’s USNWR college rankings with bated breath. If Duke went up, they would...

The Fluke News Staff
Oct 20, 20242 min read


Student Nominated for Oscar After Mastering “Forgot My Wallet” Face at Hurricane Relief Table
DURHAM, N.C.—Emilio Branson (T ‘26) was nominated for an Academy Award after a gut-wrenchingly beautiful performance of “I Forgot My...

The Fluke News Staff
Oct 20, 20241 min read


MLB Postseason underway, your annoying roommate sucks even more now
It’s the middle of the Championship Series. Unfortunately, your New York roommate can’t stop talking about how he really wants to see the...

The Fluke News Staff
Oct 20, 20242 min read


Ex-racist Duke student found ‘not guilty’ after reporting having Black neighbors
DURHAM, N.C.—Following a three-week trial surrounding the claim that he is racist, Chad Gates (T ‘27) was released last Monday after a...

The Fluke News Staff
Oct 20, 20241 min read


Econ 101 student suggests placing tariffs on deported immigrants to maximize trade surplus
DURHAM, N.C.— Innovation is commonplace at Duke. The Duke community strives to uplift new ideas and graduate prepared to change the...

The Fluke News Staff
Oct 20, 20242 min read


Duke announces plan to brag about Ed Sheeran concert for the next 100 years
DURHAM, NC — Duke University President Vincent Price announced on Saturday a new signature initiative aimed at constantly reminding...

The Fluke News Staff
Oct 20, 20242 min read


Bikes on BC Plaza make statement that cycling infrastructure is in fact going nowhere
DURHAM, NC—In a win for mobility advocates on campus, stationary bikes have been installed on Bryan Center Plaza. Duke University has...

The Fluke News Staff
Oct 20, 20242 min read
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