The Fluke News Staff
Duke Curling Achieves Perfect Perm
DURHAM, NC—The Duke Curling team achieved a perfect perm at their competition this past weekend, securing their win over Charlotte’s...
top of page
Search
The Fluke News Staff
- Apr 4
- 1 min
“You Can Go But You Can Never Leave,” say the Eagles on parking in Blue Zone
PENN PAVILION—As acclaimed American Rock band the Eagles electrified Duke’s student body with an encore of “Heartache Tonight,” they...
The Fluke News Staff
- Apr 4
- 1 min
“Like Trump all over again:” After Chase Barclay loss, campus Gingers scared for the future
DURHAM, N.C.—In politics, there are always disappointments. While the dust is still settling from the recent DSG elections, a major group...
The Fluke News Staff
- Apr 4
- 1 min
The Tell-Tale Gill: Duke Gardens employee haunted by spirit of murdered Koi fish
DURHAM, NC—Duke Gardens caretakers report feeling as though “20 fishy eyes” are constantly watching them in the weeks following the...
The Fluke News Staff
- Apr 4
- 1 min
Following spree of food poisonings, Il Forno renamed to ILL Forno
DURHAM, NC—Upon returning to campus after Spring Break, students were greeted with the same familiar overpriced Italian cuisine, now...
The Fluke News Staff
- Apr 4
- 1 min
Study finds average Duke student 83% more morally questionable than advertised in their Common App
DURHAM, NC—Duke sociologists released the results of a study focusing on the morals of the university’s undergraduate population....
The Fluke News Staff
- Apr 4
- 2 min
“I’ve come a long way:” student reflects on victory in ejaculation competition.
DURHAM, NC—There exist various activities through which young men on Duke’s campus get to loosen the pressure valve on their pent-up...
The Fluke News Staff
- Mar 28
- 1 min
Insidious Marketplace Blueberry leads to great 48 hour struggle
EAST CAMPUS—After eating a seemingly normal breakfast, an unsuspecting first-year student experienced a grueling 2 day ordeal as a result...
The Fluke News Staff
- Mar 9
- 1 min
HRL reveals Hollows named after how students are supposed to feel at Duke
DURHAM, NC—Following the 5th sinkhole-related death in 300 Swift this academic year, Duke HRL has moved on from the years-long project of...
The Fluke News Staff
- Mar 9
- 1 min
Duke introduces new McKinsey major to streamline consulting pipeline
DURHAM, NC—Trinity College of Arts & Sciences has announced that it will be offering a McKinsey Concentration under the newly-created...
The Fluke News Staff
- Mar 7
- 2 min
Duke Engage changes name to Duke Marriage Pact to get more submissions
DURHAM, N.C.—As Valentine’s Day drew closer, DukeEngage director Frelinda Mench found herself receiving dozens of confusing emails. “At...
The Fluke News Staff
- Mar 7
- 1 min
Duke ecologists declare philosophy majors to be endangered
DURHAM, NC—When observing the health of an ecosystem, researchers look for an indicator species, any organism that, for whatever reason,...
The Fluke News Staff
- Mar 7
- 1 min
Mysterious Squirrel Attacks linked to ADPhi Rabies Outbreak
DURHAM, NC––The shrieks of squirrels and students alike have recently echoed through Abele Quad at night, and Duke University Hospital...
The Fluke News Staff
- Feb 26
- 1 min
Student with infectious personality finally quarantined
DURHAM, NC—Duke Health is proud to announce that after years of tireless searching, medical professionals have finally isolated Alyssa...
The Fluke News Staff
- Feb 26
- 1 min
Following Me Too movement, Wannamaker renamed Wannaconsenter
DURHAM, NC––In a stunning move, following the recommendation of a university equity committee and President Vincent E. Price, Duke...
The Fluke News Staff
- Feb 26
- 2 min
A Candid Interview with an Air Force 1
THE BARN—Fluke Investigative contributor Cameron Jruikshonk met with one of the top Duke Forces, Mr. Eugene Forty, in this special...
The Fluke News Staff
- Feb 26
- 1 min
“The most fun you’ll never want to have again!” says SNU Pledge missing eye, finger
DURHAM, NC—It is once again that time of year; despite Duke’s best efforts, fraternities and sororities have successfully executed spring...
The Fluke News Staff
- Feb 22
- 1 min
“Pssst… Hey! You should eat with me until my friend comes,” student desperately whispers to spider
BRODHEAD CENTER—Pathetic little ratperson Cam Emerson (Trinity ‘25) sat alone outside Il Forno eating their soggy Sazon bowl for almost...
The Fluke News Staff
- Feb 22
- 1 min
"That's MY Secret Spot:" Vincent Price bans white tenting after Sex Dungeon added to scavenger hunt.
DURHAM, N.C.––When Vincent Price entered the Allen Building basement one Tuesday night, he didn’t expect to be greeted by a crowd of...
The Fluke News Staff
- Nov 10, 2022
- 1 min
WU Restaurants Respond Reasonably to Inflation by Doubling Prices
DURHAM, NC—Every restaurant in the Brodhead Center has unanimously voted to double prices in response to national inflation rates—just...
bottom of page