The Fluke News Staff
WU Restaurants Respond Reasonably to Inflation by Doubling Prices
DURHAM, NC—Every restaurant in the Brodhead Center has unanimously voted to double prices in response to national inflation rates—just...
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The Fluke News Staff
- Nov 10, 2022
- 2 min
A capella member lacks pep on stage, later lacks heartbeat
DURHAM, NC—Duke’s a capella groups are known for their jaunty demeanors, out-of-date medleys, and now, attempted murder. The “Note Takers...
The Fluke News Staff
- Nov 10, 2022
- 1 min
Fluke Analytics Report: Petite, docile men get the most maduros at Sazón
THE SAZÓN LINE—Frustrated because you’re not getting enough maduros at Sazón? According to a recent study, you may need to get on the...
The Fluke News Staff
- Oct 26, 2022
- 2 min
Running Out of Causes to Champion, PETA Turns Attention to Toppled Scooters That “Look Sad”
DURHAM, NC—This week, miniature gravesites could be found around campus to raise awareness for Spin scooter abuse and neglect. The...
The Fluke News Staff
- Oct 26, 2022
- 2 min
Waynestockings: Shapely calves and “astonishing elegance” displayed in annual Swan Lake performance
THE BARN—As the sweet sigh of violin music rises over the beer-soaked field, a hush falls over the crowd of over 10,000 spectators. Grips...
The Fluke News Staff
- Oct 26, 2022
- 1 min
Duke Student Boldly Displays Individuality by Wearing Duke Sweatshirt
UNIVERSITY STORE—When he donned his Duke sweatshirt Tuesday, Andrew Astor III could feel a weight being lifted off his shoulders. “It was...
The Fluke News Staff
- Oct 19, 2022
- 1 min
Ciceronian Society announces its own climate pledge: burning barrels of oil for fun
ABELE QUAD—In the aftermath of Duke’s recent climate commitment announcement, campus’ leading band of intellectuals and deep thinkers has...
The Fluke News Staff
- Oct 19, 2022
- 1 min
P-Edge dissolves after members P-Cum
DURHAM, NC—In an effort to decrease Experiential Orientation program costs, P-Edge dissolves after administrations let members P-cum. In...
The Fluke News Staff
- Oct 19, 2022
- 1 min
Duke falling dangerously behind Ivies in number of war criminals produced
DURHAM, NC—Duke’s dramatic fall this year from No. 9 to No. 10 in the U.S. News Rankings has many students and administrators wondering...
The Fluke News Staff
- Oct 19, 2022
- 1 min
Leaked Duke Dining food point budgeting plan offers free gastric balloons to football game attendees
DURHAM, NC—A leaked draft of Duke Dining’s “targeted” food point budgeting email generously offers gastric balloons to students in order...
The Fluke News Staff
- Oct 19, 2022
- 1 min
In effort to avoid grass, Duke to offer mudpatch
Durham, NC– Duke administration released a statement last Thursday, announcing that the Board of Trustees has become aware of growing...
The Fluke News Staff
- Oct 19, 2022
- 1 min
Fraternities struggling as cocaine shipments delayed by mailroom
BRYAN CENTER, NC—Following delays in the Duke University Mail room, students– specifically members of off-campus Greek organizations–...
The Fluke News Staff
- Oct 19, 2022
- 2 min
The Fluke's top 5 tips to avoid being mistaken for a predator as you "study" at Wilson Gym
DURHAM, NC–We’ve all been there. Our laptops sitting on a comically small table, loud groans drenching our ears from every possible...
The Fluke News Staff
- Oct 19, 2022
- 1 min
Pike gets full five stars on Rate My Aggressor
DURHAM, NC—The brothers of Pi Kappa Alpha at Duke have finally been recognized for their constant commitment and hard work. After years...
The Fluke News Staff
- Oct 19, 2022
- 1 min
Duke Climate Commitment just Vincent Price turning off lights, putting water bottle in the recycling
PAGE AUDITORIUM—Many have been wondering what exactly Duke’s “Climate Announcement” was about late last week. This reporter has...
The Fluke News Staff
- Sep 30, 2022
- 1 min
New Five Dollar Deal is just Five Sazón Beans
DURHAM, NC—In response to student complaints about campus dining raising prices for smaller portions, Duke Dining administrators have...
The Fluke News Staff
- Sep 30, 2022
- 1 min
Duke to Euthanize the Ugly Lemurs
DURHAM, NC—On Monday night, Duke Lemur Center Executive Director Greg Dye announced plans to euthanize the ugly lemurs, citing concerns...
The Fluke News Staff
- Sep 8, 2022
- 1 min
C1 Bus Driver Executes Student Sipping Coffee: "They should have read the sign"
WEST CAMPUS BUS LOOP—As sophomore Josh Hinston sipped his Beyu Blue coffee and scrolled mindlessly on Tik Tok, he became confused when...
The Fluke News Staff
- Sep 5, 2022
- 0 min
The Fluke News Staff
- Apr 20, 2022
- 1 min
"Omg LDOC is on 4/20" says girl who snitched on her roommate for smoking weed
DURHAM, NC—As the end of the semester approaches, excitement for LDOC is growing on campus. The all-day party hasn’t truly happened in...
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