DURHAM, NC—While most Durham residents were annoyed by the recent storm, Durham’s novice drug smuggling community was relieved to see the snow covered sidewalks on Sunday.
According to a local smuggling intern who we will refer to as Jerry, “I would’ve lost my job if it weren’t for the storm. I’ve had crack cocaine spilling out of my pants for the past week without realizing it.” Jerry also said he had an “oopsie” on Saturday when he dropped four pounds of crystal meth out of his window. “In hindsight, I probably shouldn’t have kept it on my window sill next to my cactus plant. God I’m such a klutz.”
Luckily, Jerry’s “oopsie” is well timed with E.K. Powe Elementary School’s Canadian Maple Taffy day, in which the students collect snow to eat authentic Canadian syrup snow.