DILF alert: parents' weekend is here



DURHAM, NC—As the annual parents' weekend commences, people across Durham are ready to spot some serious Daddies on campus. The DILFs have arrived, and Duke students are on high alert.


Senior Edmund Laysk has made plans to go away for the weekend. “Last year was a mess. I was really horny, and kept getting weird looks when I would uncontrollably blurt out ‘Dom me!,’ upon seeing a particularly choice Daddy,” he moaned, while getting in a Lyft headed to the airport.


Across campus, students are staking positions from balconies, behind windows, and up in trees with binoculars hoping to be the first to find fresh dad meat.


Shooters is reportedly in preparation for the coming flood, hiring extra security to prevent the infamous bathroom fuckfests of past years.


In an email sent to Duke’s undergraduates, Dean Sue reminded students to “stay on top of their work, and not just on top of some smoking hot dad bod,” where many hope to find themselves. “Given all the raging hormones flying across campus this weekend,” she added, “I’d like to reiterate that being spanked by a Daddy is not proper punishment for failing your midterm. Please study.”