DURHAM, N.C.—The “ding” of the C-1 stop request may be the soundtrack of student nightmares, but Duke is determined to let the buses sing. In a coordinated effort to make commutes longer, the administration has decided to add an additional twenty-eight stops along Campus Drive.
Convenient new destinations will include the smoking manhole cover, the path to Central Campus and two random patches of grass. The modified route will also feature benches every ten feet so that potential riders can rest their feet while they wait to inconvenience drivers.
The university responded to concerns about wait-time in a statement reading: “Duke remains committed to improving transportation across campus. Although the redesigned bus route considered new stops such as Wilson, the LSRC, Gross Hall, and the Sanford School, it was decided that more options along Campus Drive would better ease frustrations. The new result will be stop-start traffic that better aligns with the university’s core values .”
A transportation spokesperson gleefully added that under the new route, “quick commutes will be completely eliminated.” Students may now bring buses to a halt whenever they please, selfishly departing to their various activities amid a chorus of hopeless signs and frantic watch-checking.
The new stops will be added once Duke cuts the number of C-1 buses in half.