Duke Climate Commitment just Vincent Price turning off lights, putting water bottle in the recycling

PAGE AUDITORIUM—Many have been wondering what exactly Duke’s “Climate Announcement” was about late last week. This reporter has information from the ground for those who couldn’t make it.


Many students were hoping the Duke announcement would entail a concrete plan to become carbon neutral, divestment from fossil fuels, and an explanation of how to make old gothic buildings more energy efficient. Instead, Ned Fulmer–I mean President Vincent Price–took the stage, with a single spotlight following his every move. First, he took a long sip from a plastic water bottle. Once he finished it, he crushed the water bottle, tossed it in the recycling, and yelled “KOBE.” Obvious awkward silence ensued.


Price then did a double clap, and the single spotlight turned off. Everyone clapped and wept.






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