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Duke to Euthanize the Ugly Lemurs

DURHAM, NC—On Monday night, Duke Lemur Center Executive Director Greg Dye announced plans to euthanize the ugly lemurs, citing concerns of unpleasant and at-times repulsive appearances. “We are excited to take action against the fugly primates,” wrote Dye in a press release. “It is time.”


“I am so proud to be a part of this amazing initiative. I believe that this is an engaging demonstration of natural selection in real time. Not many students get to witness history like this” said Dr. Leslie Digby, Associate Professor of the Practice of Evolutionary Anthropology.


“Honestly, I am relieved to hear that the Lemur Center is taking action,” said Evolutionary Anthropology major Mia Silverberg (Trinity ‘23) following the announcement.


Throughout campus, students celebrated the news by burning lemur effigies and building a sacrificial altar on Main Quad.


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