Duke to offer new foreign language course: how to talk to girls



DURHAM, NC—Duke administrators are excited to announce a new foreign language option for Duke undergraduates to study: how to talk to girls.


After witnessing awkward exchanges of “what have you been up to,” “you didn’t answer my DM,” and prolonged breast stares on the C1, Duke deans recognized there was one area where Duke’s male students were continuously failing—talking to girls.


“We want our students to be the most successful in the workforce that they possibly can be,” President Price explained. “Since the American workforce has long been male-dominated, talking to girls hasn’t traditionally been an issue for most Duke grads. As more women enter these industries, it is more important than ever that men learn how to talk to girls.”


The course will cover traditional communication methods, like talking, as well as modern language application involving text and direct messages, and analysis of women’s cultural accomplishments.


Administration has been struggling to find a professor to teach the course, recognizing hiring a woman may be distracting to students and not a single man in academia is equipped to handle the nuances of the female psyche.