AUSTIN, Texas—Elon Musk proved the haters wrong once again by showing just how safe Tesla Cybertrucks are. After locating the perfect test subjects (the Schmidt family), Elon directed a Cybertruck going 120 MPH down Sixth Street, aiming directly for them and any other obstacles in the way.
“See LIBERALS,” Musk tweeted after causing the accident. “Cybertrucks are perfectly safe. Nobody in the car was hurt.” This is technically true, as the driver and passenger were killed instantly, in a quick but painless death.
YouTuber Mr. Beast quickly commented, “HAHAHA, omg the liberals are still complaining?? Anyone would be lucky to get hit by a Cybertruck. That, right there, is an act of charity. Cope.”
Musk’s new BFF, Rupert Murdoch, assured him that Tucker Carlson will do a segment on the brave act of defiance. When asked for a comment, Carlson noted that it was “nice to see a normal, non-woke, planned crash. They just ran over a white family, rather than choosing some sort of Antifa, non-binary, diverse family.”
The Schmidt family’s conservative uncle, Bobby Schmidt, thanked Musk for this unforgettable, life-changing deed. “It’s an honor to have my family steamrolled by your fine feat of engineering, Sir Elon,” he wrote on Reddit. “Thank you for this golden act of recognition, kind stranger. May you be blessed with good karma and wholesome kisses when Grimes comes crawling back to you.”