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Girl who already put up Christmas decorations the worst person you know

DURHAM, NC—You don’t notice the signs until it’s too late. It starts off benign. Maybe a little Mariah Carey in the hallways. Maybe you see a girl chewing a candy cane. Halloween was just a couple weeks ago, but hey, it’s almost that season. Then it starts getting pernicious. Now it’s exclusively Michael Buble in the showers. Now it’s wearing Santa hats unironically. Then you see it: the Christmas decorations on the door of that person who lives down the hall. And you just know—this girl is the worst.

First of all, what happened to Thanksgiving? This is Thanksgiving erasure. What happened to celebrating turkey and forgetting the dubious historical implications of Thanksgiving? I’d take mash potatoes over a candy cane any day, thank you very much.

Yet that girl down the hall is playing Christmas music like she’s Marshall’s. Before you know it you're drowning in Secret Santa invites and storming Target for last minute presents for your mom.

This madness has to stop.

Now there is no suggestion that we cancel Christmas - there’s a time and a place: after Thanksgiving.

BREAKING: Christmas has been moved to Thanksgiving since you all can’t wait to celebrate it. Better luck next year, pilgrims.



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