DOWNING STREET, LONDON—As Liz Truss descended the stairs of 10 Downing Street this morning, a large bird, most likely a very brave American eagle, viciously attacked her. As the bird clawed at her hair, what appeared to be rays of sunshine started bursting from her head. The bird, struck by the overwhelming brightness, halted its attack and fled. Then, like a phoenix from the ashes of Liz Truss, rose Boris Johnson.
“Looks like a bit of an oopsie, innit,” he said with a devilishly attractive giggle. “Glad we’re rid of that old [expletive] though!” When asked about the intrinsic strangeness of him appearing from the body of Liz Truss, he responded, “people don’t know what they’ve got until they’ve lost it, yeah? Anyways, just splendid to be back in office, innit.”
A source with alarmingly bright blonde hair and supposedly close to the blonde hunk said Boris is “just silly like that,” and that Liz Truss is “completely fine with being impersonated –– Boris’s cellar has been quite lovely.”