ST. LOUIS—In honor of Pride Month, the St. Louis Metropolitan Police Department has
announced its commitment to be more progressive in its use of chemical weapons on civilians by deploying rainbow-colored tear gas.
Police Captain Frank Samuels commented, “As a department, we’ve come to realize that our use of tear gas is no longer acceptable. It is far too white-washed. Instead, what we need is a more diverse and inclusive chemical weapon, one that reflects all colors. We have to keep up with the times, you know?”
The new multi-colored chemical weapon is far more potent. Accordinging to a recent study conducted by the department, one canister is capable of incapacitating approximately 480 minorities. Its effects on caucasians are unknown.
Officer Raymond Smith added, “When it comes to war crimes, we want to do it the right way.”