Op-ed: Masks don’t protect us, our troops do

It’s time we get real: masks do not protect us. They are flimsy little pieces of cloth that cannot even remotely compare to a US Army soldier armed with a shiny black M4 Carbine fighting in one of the Middle Eastern places with the funny names like Packestan.


I cannot believe that people think that a stupid fabric covering could protect us more than our courageous troops who risk their lives to protect us from those scary Arab guys. Our brave soldiers bleed red, white, and blue to keep us safe from terrorists, yet you DARE to tell me, “Hey, could you please put on a mask? We’re in the middle of a pandemic and masks are the best way to keep everyone safe.” Come on.


If you think a mask can actually keep me safe, then answer me this: When’s the last time you’ve seen a mask blow up an entire village of foreigners? Exactly.


When’s the last time a silly little mask ever interfered with a foreign government to advance US interests? Not once. Check the scoreboard loser, it’s at least 72-0.


How many times has a stinky little mask ever overthrown a foreign government to install a pro-American regime? ZERO. Our soldiers have seven coups in the bag. It’s not even a competition at this point.


So next time you think about telling me to “put on a mask sir, this is a Cracker Barrel,” just remember that a mask has never successfully destabilized a nation by installing a dictator that will brutally oppress his people for decades to come.


I’m proud to be an American. I’m proud that our military preys on 18 year olds who need free college and ships them out to die. If they can die for our country, so can the senile oldies and anyone else with a weak ass immune system. Go drink a protein shake.