The Fluke News Staff
What is a libertarian and why can’t they help me checkout a book?
PERKINS LIBRARY—One fateful day, Faye Pelosi (Trinity ’24) stumbled across the perennial problem of finding a book in the maze of Perkins...
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The Fluke News Staff
- Apr 18, 2021
- 1 min
An open letter to men studying Compsci: Golden showers don't count
BRYAN CENTER—To the men at Duke studying Computer Science: this is a letter of love. I have infinite respect for the men in both Trinity...
The Fluke News Staff
- Mar 6, 2021
- 1 min
Op-ed: My opinion on why we’re too politically divided is unique and deserves a biweekly column
Durham, NC—In a world that claims to be more tolerant than ever, as an Anarcho-Libertarian at Duke, I have never felt more...
The Fluke News Staff
- Feb 26, 2021
- 2 min
Things are going too well: A quick guide to self-sabotage
Okay, imagine this. You’re chilling on TikTok and suddenly, you sense it. Something’s different. Something’s… wrong? Let me let you in on...
The Fluke News Staff
- Oct 22, 2020
- 1 min
Op-ed: I don’t think I should have gotten a B+ on the midterm essay
Now that we’ve all gotten our Philosophy 201 midterm essays back, I think it’s important to tackle a serious issue: my grade. While I...
The Fluke News Staff
- Oct 22, 2020
- 1 min
Op-ed: Let's just replace the election with a “No judgement, just curious: Biden or Trump” IG poll
Let’s be honest: this is getting ridiculous. First I had to fill out the registration form, then I had to have the girl from Keohane 4D...
The Fluke News Staff
- Oct 9, 2020
- 2 min
Op-ed: Masks don’t protect us, our troops do
It’s time we get real: masks do not protect us. They are flimsy little pieces of cloth that cannot even remotely compare to a US Army...
The Fluke News Staff
- Sep 22, 2020
- 1 min
Joe Biden: Not bi enough
Durham, NC — When Bernie Sanders first suspended his presidential campaign, the Fluke News was overwhelmed with excitement at the...
The Fluke News Staff
- Aug 26, 2020
- 1 min
UNC: Not that safe for a safety school
CHAPEL HILL, NC—In a shocking turn of events, after testing no students and refusing to enforce coronavirus guidelines, the University of...
The Fluke News Staff
- Jul 11, 2020
- 1 min
Op-Ed: Wait, they're deporting white students too?
When I first heard that ICE is planning to deport international students who are not taking in-person classes this Fall, I was...
The Fluke News Staff
- Jul 1, 2020
- 2 min
Long distance hack: Break up
LAS VEGAS, NV—So it’s been three months since you saw your boyfriend. You were madly in love in March, of course, except for when he...
The Fluke News Staff
- Jun 11, 2020
- 1 min
Op-ed: What's the point of Duke if I can't have massive orgies?
DURHAM, NC—As Duke announces its plans to bring students to campus amidst the ongoing Coronavirus pandemic, all students should question...
The Fluke News Staff
- Apr 6, 2020
- 2 min
Help: I’m horny in my childhood bedroom
MY HOMETOWN—As I spend another day scrolling through TikTok only to see yet another shirtless seventeen-year-old lick his fingers and jab...
The Fluke News Staff
- Apr 1, 2020
- 2 min
Tips to stay sane while social distancing
It’s been days since you’ve gotten back to your parents house, and there’s only so many times you can argue with them about Bernie...
The Fluke News Staff
- Apr 1, 2020
- 1 min
Open letter to Piazza: What part of “no emails” do you not fucking get?
DURHAM, NC—As classes have made their transition to the online format, many professors have turned to Piazza as a way of answering...
The Fluke News Staff
- Mar 25, 2020
- 1 min
Op-ed: My dad's been practicing social distancing since I was born
NY, NY—Yes, I live in New York. No, I don’t have COVID-19. And my family has long been ready for this outbreak: my father—aware of the...
The Fluke News Staff
- Mar 25, 2020
- 1 min
Op-ed: My biggest takeaway from spring break was herpes
PALM BEACH, FL—Most college students see spring break as nothing more than a week to get trashed and fuck around, but not me. For me,...
The Fluke News Staff
- Feb 25, 2020
- 1 min
Op-ed: Just because we made eye contact doesn't mean I want a conversation
DURHAM, NC–Are we O-week friends? Are we in a class together and have never had a real interaction? Are all of our interactions as...
The Fluke News Staff
- Feb 18, 2020
- 1 min
Op-ed: My major gives me depression and that's why I'm superior
PHYSICS BUILDING—Are you spending your weekends stressing over problem sets or midterms where the class average is a 50%? If not, move...