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Op-ed: One of the suspended stairs in WU has a wee crack in it, but I won’t tell you which

DURHAM, N.C.—There I was, creeping my way through WU, silent as a mouse (as I always tend to be), when I saw it: a wee crack, right before my wee eyes, in the wee glass stairs of WeeU. 


How terrible! I thought to myself. Someone, presumably a husky-type someone, will take an unsuspecting step right upon the wee crack and swiftly find themselves tumbling to the floor in a rainfall of glass shards. What an awful, awful thought! I quickly banished the image from my mind. 


This is why I creep through WU silent as the mouse. One can never be too sure, indeed.


Luckily for me, I spotted this wee crack three steps in advance. I’m a perceptive type, ever watching, always perceiving. I perceived this crack and avoided it, and this may have saved my life. Not to say I’m a husky-type, no sir. I’m what one might call “fun-sized” or perhaps “pipsqueak.” Greater are the odds of me slipping through the crack than smashing the whole step like a raging fatso, but it’s precisely the possibility of slipping through that makes me so grateful to have avoided it!


Before you ask, and I’m sure you’re thinking it, I will not tell you which stair has the crack. No sir, that is precious information, precious information indeed. Precious information that I will guard safe and sound in the confines of my whimsical—yet extremely sharp—mind. You’ll have to spot it yourself, dearest reader. 


I’ve done my diligence during my midnight rounds of Western Union, and it is I who shall reap the benefits. Too often you people scurry hurriedly about, throwing caution to the wind and carelessly knocking over your creeping-like-mice peers who would much prefer to be standing upright—enough of it! Countless times I’ve shouted the refrain “Watch where you’re going!” to heedless ears. Thus, I turn now to your reading eyes… 


Watch where you’re going, for there may just be a wee crack in the glass, and you’ve no choice but to search for it yourself. I’m not telling. Eeeheeheeheehee!!!



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