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Poli-Sci major enlightens international student about his own country

SOUTHGATE COMMONS—Gerardo Lionel Castillo (Pratt ’25) had not expected to learn about his home country when he came to Duke. The freshman hailed from a country in Latin America my grandfather would call “the one that ain’t Mexico,” and came to the US in hopes of getting his family out of Argentina, although he will be deported as soon as he gets his non-STEM degree.

Castillo’s classmates were startled when he reportedly stated, “The puzzle pieces are fitting together, y’know? It makes sense now. Our own policy decisions were never at fault. Our actions and enthusiastic acceptance of populism and demagogy are irrelevant. It’s not even our colonial past. It’s America. It’s Imperialism. How could my people have the agency to bring this upon ourselves? Only Americans are actually capable of changing anything.”

Through what he has described as “a stroke of destiny,” the Argentinian student met Julianna Williams (Trinity ’25) while “complaining about the gringo music at Shooters,” he told the press. “She just totally gets me,” he added, stating that “I’ve never met someone more interested in Argentinian politics before.” Williams, who still wears a Che Guevara shirt in 2021, has explained to Castillo how “you can trace back pretty much any problem to US imperialism, beginning with the fall of Pompeii.”

“I have not spoken to my family in weeks,” said Castillo, whose friends have described him as “increasingly paranoid and on edge.” Explaining his erratic behavior, Williams simply stated that Castillo had “realized many of his friends back home in Argentina are CIA assets.” Castillo declined any further comment.

Reportedly, Castillo now describes himself as “fiscally conservative” and will be appearing on PragerU to explain how socialism ruined his country after meeting the only Republican in the entirety of Southgate.

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