DURHAM, NC—Following a surge of criticism surrounding the local campus satire paper, The Fluke News, the paper has responded with self congratulatory Facebook posts, tweets, and sarcastically self referential articles on its website in an apparent display of its members’ inability to handle any criticism. As students have been voicing their complaints on the Gothicc Duke Confessions Facebook page, including accusations that the paper is “painful to read” or “not funny,” sources report that the satire paper has been unable to respond appropriately due to the fact that its writers are all deeply insecure and can not handle even the simplest criticism. Instead of making a change to create better content that comments on important issues or raises controversial questions, the paper has turned to sarcastic comments on the confessions page, coming up with witty posts in response, and writing this article. What will the online satirical news service do next? Editors-in-chief Jordan Diamond and Mihir Bellamkonda say “uh, we haven’t thought that far yet.” Editor’s note: But by the way, we are fucking funny, okay?