DURHAM, NC—As the new semester begins, Duke University’s Thompson Writing Center has excitedly announced their newest programming: the “Rule of Threes” initiative commemorating the deaths of Peaches, Nugget, and Queen Elizabeth II. The program, which “promotes excellence in teaching with a focus on active learning,” is aiming high by trying to publicize the literary value in the “rule of threes” through the deaths of these campus and international cultural icons.
“It is our largest undertaking ever, by far,” explained Thompson Writing Center Director Denise Comer. “Honestly, we are shocked and thrilled by the public attention this initiative has garnered. I can’t wait to read more essays that will use the rule of threes after this!”
All over campus, students, who primarily know the Thompson Writing Center as “that annoying thing we have to do freshman year” are shocked by the revelation. “I really can’t believe the Thompson Writing Center went to all that effort!” exclaimed Lisa Chen (Trinity ‘25). “It really shows just how committed Duke is towards the humanities.”
In the past months, students have mourned the death of Peaches, a stray calico cat that lived on Duke’s West Campus, whose death was disguised as a hit and run. Similarly, students were devastated following the news of the beloved golden retriever, Nugget, who passed suspiciously soon after #ppgate.
Notably, students were markedly quieter following the passing of Queen Elizabeth II, the longest ruling British monarch. Leaked confidential reports from the Karsh Office of Undergraduate Finicial Support show that many students have received funds from an unknown source, dubbed “prince charlie😍.”