"So that's why everyone wore the same outfit," says freshman who went to Hooters instead of Shooters

Durham, NC—Bryan Jenkins, a new and slightly misinformed Blackwell resident, was disappointed to come back to his room dead sober and all alone this Wednesday night. His outing was the perfect opportunity to find a partner: all the men there were fat or old or ugly or creepy—or all four. Plus, there were plenty of women around for him to talk to.


After asking a few of the women what year they were, how they liked Duke, and what they were planning to major in, Jenkins started to wonder how he kept meeting non-Duke students at the popular campus bar.


After having his confidence shaken, Jenkins did some investigating into his failures, only to find that rather than Shooters, he went to Hooters this weekend!


While Jenkins does seem calmer and more self-assured, he is now confused as to what the cage was doing there that night.



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