EDENS 2C—After a long and hard semester, Trinity sophomore Lauren Choy has accidentally conditioned herself into asking “Oh shit are we in breakout rooms?” each morning when she wakes up.
Choy was recently tanning on the main quad during her last episode. Students nearby reportedly witnessed “someone wake up, spaz out and check their phone while asking “fuck what are we doing” both frantically and while slurring every single word.
After reporting these instances on SymMon, Duke Health has decided to keep Choy under observation for the time being. “What we’re seeing here is a breakthrough in psychology happening in real time,” said Dr. Adrian Bloch, a specialist in pediatric neurological abnormalities.
“I’ve alienated everyone—my friends, my family. I even scared Nugget that one time,” said Choy when asked for comment. “I can’t control it. Even on the weekends, I wake up and it’s like my body is possessed. My roommate moved out after I screamed at her 'DID THE HOST END THE MEETING??' and I didn’t even remember. I don’t know what I’m becoming...”
At press time, Choy is under strict observation by Chris Roy, who has promised to make sure she is okay.