DUKE UNIVERSITY— As Burg Erkin (Pratt ‘26) sat down to take his Physics 151 midterm, he reports he heard the sound of funky grooves and a deep voice singing “Whopper, Whopper, Whopper, Whopper.” The repetitive jingle continued as thoughts of the Junior, Double, Triple Whopper swirled in his head, leading to academic performance unfit for a king.
Erkin is part of an increasingly large group of students experiencing chronic jingle earworms related to the flame-grilled taste with perfect toppers. Despite the jingle’s promise that the singer “rules this day,” the affected students report that it has invaded all aspects of their life, with many even dreaming of lettuce, mayo, pickle, and ketchup.
CAPS has reported a massive influx of burger-related visits, pressuring Student Health to release a statement to the student body reaffirming that the afflicted students still rule and are seizin’ the day.
These cases appeared amid a recently leaked Duke Dining memo which stated Panda Express would be replaced by Burger King, citing that “at BK, students can have it their way”. Unfortunately for these students, “their way” seems to be temporary insanity.