Durham, NC—We all know about the Duke Chapel. It’s the Chapel that’s at Duke. It glows at night. Other things. It’s that nice pretty building we all love to post on our stories so people from high school know we’re better than them. Right?
WRONG! We’d like to think we know the Duke Chapel, but the Duke Chapel has a deep, dark secret. It doesn’t want us knowing the truth: the only reason it's so big is because it has no natural predators. Absolutely none. And if we keep letting the chapel get away with this, it won’t stop growing until it consumes the entire campus and us with it.
My proposed solution: move the chapel underwater, where it will slowly drown. Chapels naturally can’t swim. While this will be a sad loss for Duke, it will be necessary to save Duke.
Luckily, we’ll be able to replace it with the Freeman Center, which, as any google search can tell you, has many natural predators.