Trump acquitted—Officially as innocent as OJ!

WASHINGTON, D.C.—With a 57 to 43 vote, the US Senate failed to convict Trump, making the former president officially as innocent as OJ Simpson. Trump now holds the prestigious title of “The Most Acquitted President in US History,” as well as the World Record in impeachments.

Trump now joins the hallowed ranks of fellow previously acquitted individuals, such as R Kelly, Casey Anthony, and George Zimmerman. It should be no surprise that the man who told his followers, “We will stop the steal” and “If you don't fight like hell you're not going to have a country anymore” was found not guilty of inciting an insurrection. Just like it wasn’t R Kelly in that tape, pissing on that girl.

Trump reportedly drove away from the White House in his Ford Bronco.