BREAKING NEWS: Cayden Boozer lost in Walmart

Boozer is pictured here, pre-rescue.

DURHAM— During a brother bonding trip to Durham’s Walmart Supercenter, shorter twin Cayden Boozer mysteriously disappeared — at the dis

may of his twin brother.

To gain leads on Cayden’s whereabouts, Durham PD spoke with star Duke men’s basketball forward Cameron Boozer. Through teary eyes, the 6-foot-9 powerhouse explained that he was “just trying to get some baked beans from the hot deli section” when he could feel his twin telepathy weakening, dizzily falling to the floor. 

“In that moment… I knew that something had happened to Cay-Cay,” Cameron said.  

Carlos Boozer, the pair’s father, immediately flew by helicopter into the Walmart Supercenter’s parking lot after hearing word. He sprung into action and spearheaded the search party efforts. In an exclusive interview, Carlos explained to The Fluke News that while he appreciated the influx of fan support for Cayden at the announcement of his disappearance, he’s far more focused on making sure Cameron doesn’t “get thrown off his game” during this tough time. 

Carlos explained that Cameron’s recruitment would have been impossible without Cayden — who needs to be in a 50-foot radius of his brother at all times to maintain Cameron’s strength. Though this bundle deal was a unique caveat that caused tension during recruitment negotiations, it ultimately secured Cayden (who was weighing his two offers from the Alaska-Anchorage Seawolves and the Bay Oaks Retirement Residence intramural team) a spot on the legendary Duke squad. 

“I just worry about how this could affect Cameron’s performance on the court, you know? Those are the kinds of things you have to think about as a dad,” Carlos said. “And it’s my responsibility to make sure that Cammie upholds the Boozer basketball legacy.” 

The father-son duo has asked for privacy and prayers during this tough time for Cameron, who has already shrunk three inches since his brother’s disappearance. 

LIVE UPDATE: Walmart officials intensify search efforts with announcement over loudspeaker

With no new leads, the dedicated search party secures a loudspeaker announcement in hopes of leading Cayden to safety.

14 hours ago 

After three hours of searching for the missing twin, Durham PD knew that the window of guaranteed recovery was shrinking fast. That’s when it decided to bring out the big guns: an announcement over the Walmart loudspeakers. After reportedly being “in talks with” high-school freshman and part-time Walmart manager Mackenzie Davis for another three long hours, Chief Dough Nutter was able to close a deal for a 30-second announcement in exchange for permanent amnesty for Davis — who often vapes during P.E. class. 

Upon securing this edge in the search efforts, Cameron began preparing his voice to utter the “Boozer Bellow,” a primal cry at a frequency only fellow Boozers can hear. To maximize the effectiveness of the announcement, officials evacuated the store, giving him utter privacy. Though there was nobody else in the store to hear the mythical call, local ornithologists reported a 25% spike in airborne activity amongst Carolina Chickadees at the time of the bellow. 

Watching closely on the Walmart monitors, a team of experts analyzed the footage before, during, and after the loudspeaker usage, keeping watch while a SWAT team scanned and swept every aisle of the store. 

Morale now appears to be slowing as the efforts produce no new knowledge about Cayden’s whereabouts. Officials are considering a blockaded perimeter in the surrounding area to further expand the boundaries of the search. 

FOUND: Cayden Boozer unscathed in big bouncy ball holder thingy

After 7 hours of dedicated searching, Duke’s dynamic basketball duo has finally been reunited. 

13 hours ago 

At last, after seven full hours dedicated to finding the missing Boozer twin, Cayden Boozer was found unscathed in Walmart’s big bouncy ball holder thingy by community member and search party volunteer Simon Jones. 

“I heard a weird rustling sound coming from inside the thingy, and sure enough, there he was,” Jones said. “Snug as a bug in a rug between a Galaxy Bounce 3000 and a Bubble Gum Rubberlicious Model V.” 

Jones explained that Cayden’s retrieval called for a gentle approach.

“Kid was scared straight from being lost in there for so long, almost bit me ‘till I mentioned Cameron — perked him right up and he agreed to let me go get help,” Jones said. 

With the Boozer family watching nervously on the sideline, the Durham fire department carefully extracted Cayden from the bouncy ball holder thingy, which was immediately taken into police custody for interrogation. 

Shortly after the twins’ reunion, the two were spotted staring unblinkingly into each other’s eyes, a unique ritual to “reset their twinergy,” as stated by the pair’s father.

“They’ll be like this for at least a few more hours until they’re ready,” Carlos said.

Ultimately, the Boozer twins won’t be getting a break from bouncy balls anytime soon, and hope to return to the court stronger than ever.