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Baseball player loses his daily hat; what happens now?



DURHAM, N.C.—Tragedy struck Duke Athletics this past weekend when baseball player Todd Kernel (T ’25) lost his daily hat in a horrifying accident. Witnesses say he was riding the Shooters bull when the cap fell off of his head and was crushed by dancing bystanders. 


“He fell to his knees as soon as the hat left his head and began to wail. I’ve never seen anything like it,” says Kernel’s ex-girlfriend, Karly Scott. 


Kernel’s coach says that recovery seems possible, but it will take time and hard work, “Todd and that hat were the best of friends. He always had it on; now that I think of it, I’m not sure I’d ever seen his bare head.” 


Now that he’s seen it, he understands the hat fixation, “That hairline is… downright depressing. I’d hide it too.” 


Kernel hasn’t been seen in the general public since the loss of his hat, as he is reportedly only making it to his highest-priority commitments– baseball practice and hook-ups. Reports of a potential replacement hat have leaked, although the hat is not ready for public viewing. 


We can only hope that Kernel recovers in time for baseball season in the spring, as the other pitchers have injured their dominant arms in mysterious incidents.

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