BREAKING: The Duke Chapel bell player is not a hunchback


DUKE CHAPEL — after spotting him out on the town, Junior Winston Lang claims that, despite public information, the Duke Chapel bell player is not a hunchback.


“Honestly, his posture was really good,” complained Lang. “He had other friends too. I overheard them talking, and it sounds like he doesn’t even live in an isolated room in the chapel.”


“It’s all been quite disappointing. I mean, you’re just told a specific story for all your life, and then it all comes crumbling down.” Lang continued, “I feel so lost. What next? He isn’t married to a woman named Esmeralda! The only thing I have left is the gargoyles, definitely real”


While he may not be a cartoon hunchback, he will reportedly be starring in the Disney+ live action remake of Mulan.