BREAKING: The shelter-in-place order is all one big pledge task

EAST CAMPUS—Just when the brothers of East Campus thought that their pledging process was finished, Duke announced an exciting new task: the shelter-in-place order.

Pledging is all about bringing a pledge class together through collective punishment. Duke’s new shelter-in-place order is designed to do exactly that: bring together the Duke community by punishing everyone for the actions of a few.

“Whenever we mess up our tasks, our pledge-masters find new ways to punish us as a group,” explained Tim Johnson, a first-year who is currently rushing KA. “That kind of torture really brings together a group of brothers.”

Johnson shared his excitement for the new shelter-in-place order, adding that “the pledge-masters are crazy for this one. I know isolation will bring everyone together even more. How did they even come up with this punishment?”

“Obviously the order from the pledge-masters isn’t that serious,” he added, “because we have our next 50+ person date function on Friday. I wonder if there will be any more punishments after that.”